A Thought...

There are several things which scare people. Normally, number one on the list would be speaking in public. Another would be talking about sex.

Let's finish talking about sex first. Sex.

Now that that's finished, I found out early on that when it comes to speaking in public or in front of a crowd, nothing beats just getting it over with. I would rather go first. There, I'm done. Who's next?

Moving forward, I think that a lot of people are afraid of speaking in front of a crowd is because of several possible things, including: it's an unknown, it's uncontrollable, and usually, it doesn't make any sense. Again, early on, something like twenty years ago, I learned to welcome the unknown, the uncontrollable, and those that don't make sense.

The unknown will always be unknown, until you get to know it. What did that mean?! So, damn it, get to know the thing and have it over and done with, is what I always say. No amount of research can replace really doing it and moving to the unknown. As long as you fear the unknown, you will always feel like a blindfolded guy with a precipice somewhere nearby. And you need to walk from here to there. For me the fun part of that scenario is running blindfolded. You may not know where you're headed but you're making good time. That scenario only makes sense if you think in terms of economics and economic theory: an economist is a guy looking out the rear window, navigating a car with a blindfolded driver.

A roller-coaster is, for the passenger, uncontrollable. You paid for an ride which you cannot control. Some people consider that fun. Gravity is basically uncontrollable. Some people jump from airplanes to enjoy the feeling of gravity. Life is uncontrollable. Not totally, but for the most part it is. There are too many dependencies on living life, based on the sun, the weather, the people, the traffic, the elevator, the noise, the computer, etc. There are many things which are uncontrollable. I would rather enjoy the ride. I might fret about it every so often, but I had decided ages ago, that I will enjoy the ride. There was a trip I had with my boss, and we were going to Iloilo. Suddenly, the plane encountered turbulence. Really gut-wrenching turbulence. The passengers were worried and they showed an uncontrollable reaction of expressing their feelings by the look on their faces. Me? I was trying to sleep. I opened my eyes. Closed them again, and tried to continue my nap. If that plane was going to crash, there was nothing I could have done to stop it. Best I could have done? Give a prayer of thanks. For everything including the plane ride. What, me, worry about things uncontrollable? I don't think so. I have accepted that there are a lot of things uncontrollable. Best that you can do is enjoy the ride.

I have found that life is both an unknown and uncontrollable. As such, it does not necessarily make sense. Okay, okay, let's be more specific and to the point: Life does not make sense. If you travel around Metro Manila, you'll notice that there are lots of litter everywhere. And then you get to Marikina, and you get to ask yourself, where is the litter? You go north on the expressway, and just as you get past the Candaba viaduct, you want to drive (or fly) at 120KPH. You just can't because there are short bridges every kilometer or so., with ugly approaches which look like Evel Knievel motorcycle ramps. Feels like it, too. Faster than 80 KPH, your vehicle will fly. It doesn't make sense to have a highway with jumping ramps. The University of Santo Tomas is the largest "Catholic University" in the world (in terms of enrollment, I guess). It was a World War II interment camp where caucasians were treated as imprisoned by the Japanese. This was where the term "public display of affection" or PDA was first used (with signs announcing "No Public Display of Affection"). The sexes were segregated. And yet, there was at least one baby (I don't know where the records might be kept, but I read somewhere that there were two babies) conceived and born in the camp. Again, it does not make sense. You enter a tower (any tower) and climb upstairs to the top (or halfway for best effect) and you will hear moans. Someone is moaning! And no, that's not you groaning, it's someone else moaning. No kidding! In every tower, you will hear acoustically tuned moans. Ghosts maybe? Who knows? Really, it does not make any sense. Cats and dogs, for instance. You pet a dog because he treats you like you deserve it. You pet the cat because he treats you like you owe it to him. I have found that asking "Why?" makes a lot less sense than asking "Why not?"

So there. Maybe that's the secret of my "weirdness." Whereas other people are afraid of the unknown, the uncontrollable, and those that don't make sense, I have learned to live with them and, in some instances, to embrace them. I'm happy.

Besides, friendship and love are both unknown, uncontrollable and don't make any sense. "Illogical" is what a famous half-human half-Vulcan, would say. And then he'd say "fascinating."

--andoy
6 April 2005