Was working when I caught sight of this news item. And it was jarring in a way. Six overtimes. It ended past 1:00 in the morning. And one player played all but 3 minutes of the entire game.
From ESPN: Syracuse survives longest game in Big East history with epic win over UConn
--Andoy Castellano22 March 2005
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
71 KG and counting
No disrespect to my friends who have always been a bit heavier than me, but I never imagined I'd get heavier than 145 pounds (about 65KG plus change). When I visited the doctor last week, I was officially at 71 kg. And I don't like it.
So now, after talking about my test results (normal BP, no more pus in the urine, and except for the relatively high cholesterol everything else is a normal blood chemistry), I'm on a low cholesterol diet.
Of all the diet suggestions out there, I've decided to follow my friend Rach's suggestion. Oatmeal for breakfast and half-rice with dinner, and watch the animal fat. This is going to be hard to do. But I guess it should work. I do need more soup, vegetables, fruits and less of fried food.
Rach mentioned that she's been having (unflavored) oatmeal for breakfast for the past seven years.
I also have another friend who has oatmeal for lunch at the office. Albert has been having a big battle with his weight for some time now.
And now I'm in the same boat: oatmeal on a regular basis. Waaaahhhh!!!! It does need some getting used to. So far, I've had oatmeal for lunch and/or breakfast these past few days. I really need to get down to around 140 pounds. Though I think I would be more comfortable with 135 pounds (and back to a skinny butt, hehehe).
Oh well. This will need lots of work.
--Andoy
24 February 2009
So now, after talking about my test results (normal BP, no more pus in the urine, and except for the relatively high cholesterol everything else is a normal blood chemistry), I'm on a low cholesterol diet.
Of all the diet suggestions out there, I've decided to follow my friend Rach's suggestion. Oatmeal for breakfast and half-rice with dinner, and watch the animal fat. This is going to be hard to do. But I guess it should work. I do need more soup, vegetables, fruits and less of fried food.
Rach mentioned that she's been having (unflavored) oatmeal for breakfast for the past seven years.
I also have another friend who has oatmeal for lunch at the office. Albert has been having a big battle with his weight for some time now.
And now I'm in the same boat: oatmeal on a regular basis. Waaaahhhh!!!! It does need some getting used to. So far, I've had oatmeal for lunch and/or breakfast these past few days. I really need to get down to around 140 pounds. Though I think I would be more comfortable with 135 pounds (and back to a skinny butt, hehehe).
Oh well. This will need lots of work.
--Andoy
24 February 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
An Alternative Side to Life
Doing some research, I came across this blog.
http://path-lighter.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!
-- Andoy
11 February 2009
http://path-lighter.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!
-- Andoy
11 February 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
President of the World
During the run up to Barrack Obama's Presidential Inauguration, I heard a phrase which struck me as odd. He was called the "President of the World." I guess it must be true. And Obama's predecessor certainly proved that moniker.
I've been a hermit since the start of the US Presidential campaign, and didn't really care one bit whether it went one way or another. I was just happy that the election would mean that George W. Bush's presidency would be about to end.
But in a big way, Pres. Bush really was the "President of the World." His Presidency was felt by the whole world. When the US economy melted down, the rest of the world teetered on the edge of the abyss, looking down at where the US was taking them. I all fairness, it was not his fault that 9/11 happened, or that Iraq didn't have any weapons of mass destruction (which he admitted just before he left office), or that the housing loan and financing meltdown happened on his watch. He can't even be blamed for winning against Al Gore. (The last is definitely true. Al Gore lost Tennessee! If he had won his home state, he didn't need to win Florida, where George's brother was Governor. But I digress.)
Another aside, tt's too bad that Bush was the butt of jokes from day one. But everything was there, From his daughters' driving under the influence, to his mispronouncing "nuclear." Bill Clinton may admitted to taking a whiff of marijuana when he was in college, but George W. Bush was called a cokehead in some media.
All in all, George W. Bush will be remembered for the worse economic recession since 1964, and for the worse military record since Vietnam.
I guess that in that sense Obama really is more, or should be more of a "President of the World" than his predecessor. For one, he's an African-American and not a WASP. Another is that he seems to have a bigger grasp of world issues than Ex-President Bush. And he also seems to be more of an intellectual in the mold of JFK. But time will tell if he will live up to it. Meantime, the world is fueled by his messages of optimism. The world is really excited about this one.
I'm just happy it's him. But it's just too bad that the McCain campaign was one of a self-destruct example, imploding upon itself. At one point it looked like an Obama-Clinton race, rather than McCain vs. (Obama or Clinton).
Good luck to the new US President. The rest of the world is watching.
I've been a hermit since the start of the US Presidential campaign, and didn't really care one bit whether it went one way or another. I was just happy that the election would mean that George W. Bush's presidency would be about to end.
But in a big way, Pres. Bush really was the "President of the World." His Presidency was felt by the whole world. When the US economy melted down, the rest of the world teetered on the edge of the abyss, looking down at where the US was taking them. I all fairness, it was not his fault that 9/11 happened, or that Iraq didn't have any weapons of mass destruction (which he admitted just before he left office), or that the housing loan and financing meltdown happened on his watch. He can't even be blamed for winning against Al Gore. (The last is definitely true. Al Gore lost Tennessee! If he had won his home state, he didn't need to win Florida, where George's brother was Governor. But I digress.)
Another aside, tt's too bad that Bush was the butt of jokes from day one. But everything was there, From his daughters' driving under the influence, to his mispronouncing "nuclear." Bill Clinton may admitted to taking a whiff of marijuana when he was in college, but George W. Bush was called a cokehead in some media.
All in all, George W. Bush will be remembered for the worse economic recession since 1964, and for the worse military record since Vietnam.
I guess that in that sense Obama really is more, or should be more of a "President of the World" than his predecessor. For one, he's an African-American and not a WASP. Another is that he seems to have a bigger grasp of world issues than Ex-President Bush. And he also seems to be more of an intellectual in the mold of JFK. But time will tell if he will live up to it. Meantime, the world is fueled by his messages of optimism. The world is really excited about this one.
I'm just happy it's him. But it's just too bad that the McCain campaign was one of a self-destruct example, imploding upon itself. At one point it looked like an Obama-Clinton race, rather than McCain vs. (Obama or Clinton).
Good luck to the new US President. The rest of the world is watching.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
And a Jump Back to theReality of the Tropics
For a while there, I was hoping that the cold weather would last a while, even if only for another week or two, or till the end of February. But no luck, Since last week, the temperature has been steadily going up, and as long as the sun was showing, we had summer weather for the better part of the day.
Oh well, it may be low single digit temperature for Germany, for instance, but I'm okay with the more normal 26 degrees Celsius here in Marikina.
--Andoy
22 January 2009
Oh well, it may be low single digit temperature for Germany, for instance, but I'm okay with the more normal 26 degrees Celsius here in Marikina.
--Andoy
22 January 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
And The UPCAT Results Shows
Well, Darwi didn't pass. That's according to the online listing. That's okay. At least she already has a choice. And she may decide to take the entrance exam at PUP.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Darwi Passed the USTET
Yup, she passed the UST Entrance Test. She applied for the Hotel and Restaurant Management program. And she passed. At least I won't have to worry where about where she'll study. Some consider the HRM program at UST as being the second best in the country, with St. Benilde on the top of the list. This comment was from a UST student, so I would tend to believe him. (Besides, he's got a good rep, he's running for honors in his course.)
Part of the admissions process for the UST HRM program is an interview. Darwi asked if that meant that she was not yet accepted into the program. I think UST has the interview more to get to know the student than for anything else. (Kenneth had an interview before taking the exam at St. Scholastica's College Manila. But that was to see if he really had the aptitude for music and to see if he really wanted to enroll in the course.)
It shouldn't have come as a surprise, but she still wanted to take the exam at PUP, still for the HRM program. Still, I was surprised, though. But she wanted to take the exam at PUP because her classmates were going to take it. Opinions vary about the program, but the majority place PUP in the top 4 schools for that course. I got that opinion without taking into account that I have three brothers who graduated from PUP.
Now, I just wish Darwi also passed the UPCAT. HRM at UST may be good, but UP is UP. And besides her ninang was graduated from HRM at UP. Will have to wait for the results of the UPCAT then.
--Andoy
15 January 2009
Part of the admissions process for the UST HRM program is an interview. Darwi asked if that meant that she was not yet accepted into the program. I think UST has the interview more to get to know the student than for anything else. (Kenneth had an interview before taking the exam at St. Scholastica's College Manila. But that was to see if he really had the aptitude for music and to see if he really wanted to enroll in the course.)
It shouldn't have come as a surprise, but she still wanted to take the exam at PUP, still for the HRM program. Still, I was surprised, though. But she wanted to take the exam at PUP because her classmates were going to take it. Opinions vary about the program, but the majority place PUP in the top 4 schools for that course. I got that opinion without taking into account that I have three brothers who graduated from PUP.
Now, I just wish Darwi also passed the UPCAT. HRM at UST may be good, but UP is UP. And besides her ninang was graduated from HRM at UP. Will have to wait for the results of the UPCAT then.
--Andoy
15 January 2009
Coldest I can remember since...
This has got to be the coldest start of the year I can remember since the early 1980's. That's a lot, considering I'm comparing Marikina weather to UPLB during the early 1980's.
In those days, there was real strong north wind and the people in the campus walked a lot more weird than normal. Either they walked slower -- because of the cold they can't move fast. Or they moved fast -- really fast -- maybe to get the blood going.
Kenneth gave a weird comment the other day. He said that he's glad to ride aircon FX to the Katipunan LRT station, because it's warmer inside the vehicle. Even Darwi agrees, and she sometimes rides the (very slow) buses.
On my desktop, it says the temperature is at 22 degrees Celsius. Yesterday the numbers didn't go higher than 24 degrees. That's almost like Tagaytay weather during March or April. It's been hovering from 21 to a high of 28 these past few days. But that's according to the internet server. Reports on the news, however, say that the temperature has gone down to as low as 18-19.
Maybe it's old age, but I wear sweaters most of the time. And I spend almost all my time indoors. There was a time last week when I found myself wearing a thin jacket on top of my sweater. When it's cold, I usually wear my tie-dye pants. I've been using it as a pajama for some time now. I need to get myself some sweat pants to go along with the sweater. I remember Lilia reminding me that that's the reason I won't migrate to the US, Canada, or anywhere where they have four seasons. I get easily cold.
One thing though which hasn't changed, I haven't been heating my bath water. I still enjoy the (very) cold water streaming out of the shower. hehehe
Galit galit na kapag bumaba pa ito ng 16 degrees!
--Andoy
15 January 2009
In those days, there was real strong north wind and the people in the campus walked a lot more weird than normal. Either they walked slower -- because of the cold they can't move fast. Or they moved fast -- really fast -- maybe to get the blood going.
Kenneth gave a weird comment the other day. He said that he's glad to ride aircon FX to the Katipunan LRT station, because it's warmer inside the vehicle. Even Darwi agrees, and she sometimes rides the (very slow) buses.
On my desktop, it says the temperature is at 22 degrees Celsius. Yesterday the numbers didn't go higher than 24 degrees. That's almost like Tagaytay weather during March or April. It's been hovering from 21 to a high of 28 these past few days. But that's according to the internet server. Reports on the news, however, say that the temperature has gone down to as low as 18-19.
Maybe it's old age, but I wear sweaters most of the time. And I spend almost all my time indoors. There was a time last week when I found myself wearing a thin jacket on top of my sweater. When it's cold, I usually wear my tie-dye pants. I've been using it as a pajama for some time now. I need to get myself some sweat pants to go along with the sweater. I remember Lilia reminding me that that's the reason I won't migrate to the US, Canada, or anywhere where they have four seasons. I get easily cold.
One thing though which hasn't changed, I haven't been heating my bath water. I still enjoy the (very) cold water streaming out of the shower. hehehe
Galit galit na kapag bumaba pa ito ng 16 degrees!
--Andoy
15 January 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Storm crow
It's 3:30 in the morning, I'm wearing boxers and my legs are cold. I should be wearing pajamas or my tie-dye pants. I have a malong here somewhere (it's actually Lilia's) but I'm not sure if I want to use that just yet.
I'm not complaining about the cold. It's December and January and it should be cold. In fact, it's colder this time around compared with the past couple of years. It's cold because it's raining and been raining or cloudy since New Year's Eve. The weather for the whole of December was funky. Not "changeable" nor "unpredictable" but more like "out of the ordinary." The reason I say that is because, although the weather is cold, strictly speaking it's not cold because of the North wind. It's been cold because of the cloudy weather with drizzles and rain, and wind blowing mainly from the south.
There are a lot of reasons for the cold weather, except for the wind blowing from the north.
Twenty five years ago, I was wearing jackets and sweaters for December till early February. There was a time I was wearing denim pants when crawling to bed with the windows shut.
This is really funky weather. And I guess the concept of global warming is true. Global warming leads to freaky weather. This time, there's practically no cold north wind to speak of. For all the typhoon damage last year, there was a drop in the number of storms.
If all of these changes happened during the last 25 years. I don't want to think about what changes might happen during the next 25 years. Or ten years.
I'm going to bed.
--Andoy
9 January 2009
I'm not complaining about the cold. It's December and January and it should be cold. In fact, it's colder this time around compared with the past couple of years. It's cold because it's raining and been raining or cloudy since New Year's Eve. The weather for the whole of December was funky. Not "changeable" nor "unpredictable" but more like "out of the ordinary." The reason I say that is because, although the weather is cold, strictly speaking it's not cold because of the North wind. It's been cold because of the cloudy weather with drizzles and rain, and wind blowing mainly from the south.
There are a lot of reasons for the cold weather, except for the wind blowing from the north.
Twenty five years ago, I was wearing jackets and sweaters for December till early February. There was a time I was wearing denim pants when crawling to bed with the windows shut.
This is really funky weather. And I guess the concept of global warming is true. Global warming leads to freaky weather. This time, there's practically no cold north wind to speak of. For all the typhoon damage last year, there was a drop in the number of storms.
If all of these changes happened during the last 25 years. I don't want to think about what changes might happen during the next 25 years. Or ten years.
I'm going to bed.
--Andoy
9 January 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
The Kid and the Princess (and if she had a choice, she would have wanted to be a Jewish Princess)
I received a text message from a friend of mine this past New Year's Eve. I thought it was an ordinary text message. It came from a long time friend from UPLB and truth is, we don't really try hard to keep in touch. A text message every few months is all we can come up with. Sometimes, I send a text message for an invite to coffee or something, and the reply is along the lines of, "I'm sorry but I can't come because I'm in the _______ (fill in the blanks: Mindanao, two time zones away, etc.)
There are times I wake up in the middle of the night after having a dream about her. The dreams border on nightmares. And I force myself to wake up, and I do. I wake up with a scream, a shudder, sweating, and shaking.
I admit I have carried a lot of emotional baggage because of her. All 25 years of baggage.
Somehow the latest text message was a pleasant surprise. It was an affirmation, or a recognition of what I am to her. It was a good day when I received that simple line she sent.
Now I can stop pining.
Yup, roses are black... sometimes.
--Andoy
5 January 2009
There are times I wake up in the middle of the night after having a dream about her. The dreams border on nightmares. And I force myself to wake up, and I do. I wake up with a scream, a shudder, sweating, and shaking.
I admit I have carried a lot of emotional baggage because of her. All 25 years of baggage.
Somehow the latest text message was a pleasant surprise. It was an affirmation, or a recognition of what I am to her. It was a good day when I received that simple line she sent.
Now I can stop pining.
Yup, roses are black... sometimes.
--Andoy
5 January 2009
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas 2008
We had a fun Christmas this year, even though there were some members of the family who weren't there with us.
Bert is still in the Middle East of course. But he did call. The conversation we had was upbeat and sad at the same time. We were discussing the future and my current situation. There are some things I need to discuss with him.
And then there's Lilia. I had looked forward to sleeping in our old room. But sad to say, she didn't manifest herself last night. Oh well, once is enough I guess. Though there were at least two separate manifestations, one at Lavender and the other at Novaliches.
As usual, we had Christmas eve at my parents' place and then went to Novaliches, to Lilia's folks in the morning. I'm still having some sleep deprivation headache. Mild headache.
Was able to take lots of pictures during the exchange gifts last night. But not too many pictures at Novaliches. I'll have to double the effort at picture taking this New Year. We might celebrate it at Novaliches (as usual) but plans are still up in the air.
It was a good Christmas celebration. I'm happy. And the kids are happy.
--Andoy
25 December 2008
I've posted the pictures.
Bert is still in the Middle East of course. But he did call. The conversation we had was upbeat and sad at the same time. We were discussing the future and my current situation. There are some things I need to discuss with him.
And then there's Lilia. I had looked forward to sleeping in our old room. But sad to say, she didn't manifest herself last night. Oh well, once is enough I guess. Though there were at least two separate manifestations, one at Lavender and the other at Novaliches.
As usual, we had Christmas eve at my parents' place and then went to Novaliches, to Lilia's folks in the morning. I'm still having some sleep deprivation headache. Mild headache.
Was able to take lots of pictures during the exchange gifts last night. But not too many pictures at Novaliches. I'll have to double the effort at picture taking this New Year. We might celebrate it at Novaliches (as usual) but plans are still up in the air.
It was a good Christmas celebration. I'm happy. And the kids are happy.
--Andoy
25 December 2008
I've posted the pictures.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
A Dip in the Road
I am at a big crossroad. Not a nexus. A crossroad. Or more like the caves of Moria, where the path has three paths to choose from. I hesitate.
I am afraid of what is happening to me. I am depressed. I want to cry but I can't. I shake. I need coffee, but I'm trying to cut down on it. It's the gas, you see. I burp a lot of gas on a bad day. And that hurts. I've got medication for that.
There are some people I would want to have talked to. Or with. One just got out of the hospital for an operation. There is one other, but I have tried to set an appointment for about three years, and no go. And then there's this language instructor I know, who I cannot get myself to talk to. It's complicated, I dearly want to talk to her, but I can't. We decided not to see each other with exception of coffee. But things broke down after that. She hates me. The best I can hope for is that we can meet sometime in the future. For coffee.
There's only one other person I talk to about it right now. The words are seeping in and I am trying very hard to move forward and out of this funk. I have to get up and look to working and to take care of my family and my friends.
My natural hardheadedness keeps me from understanding things which I am hearing. And that includes the things I say.
I'm having a difficult time. I cannot concentrate on my work. I am dying. I am going crazy.
It's this time of year when I sorely miss Lilia. I miss her a lot. I've had ups and downs during Christmas. But it was bearable with Lilia. She handled the Christmas lists and the shopping.
Sadly, I have wanted to cry since late August. A good cry. But it hasn't happened yet.
I am coping. I am now making breakfast for my kids. Waking at 4:30 or 5:00AM to cook breakfast.
Lilia takes care of a lot of things. Not least is the budget and the school opening and Christmas shopping. She cleans the house. I live here but have not cleaned it as much as she did. She took care of us. I miss her a lot.
I feel I am dying. The pain is back.
There's the five stages of death: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have accepted that she is gone. But only now is anger seeping in. And the depression keep coming back. Ano ba???!!!!
I am trying to keep it together, and not show it for the kids. But it is very painful. I guess the pain shows as well.
I can go on and on with this rant. This is a stupid cycle. And the best I can do is do one task at a time.
--Andoy
16 Dec. 2008
I am afraid of what is happening to me. I am depressed. I want to cry but I can't. I shake. I need coffee, but I'm trying to cut down on it. It's the gas, you see. I burp a lot of gas on a bad day. And that hurts. I've got medication for that.
There are some people I would want to have talked to. Or with. One just got out of the hospital for an operation. There is one other, but I have tried to set an appointment for about three years, and no go. And then there's this language instructor I know, who I cannot get myself to talk to. It's complicated, I dearly want to talk to her, but I can't. We decided not to see each other with exception of coffee. But things broke down after that. She hates me. The best I can hope for is that we can meet sometime in the future. For coffee.
There's only one other person I talk to about it right now. The words are seeping in and I am trying very hard to move forward and out of this funk. I have to get up and look to working and to take care of my family and my friends.
My natural hardheadedness keeps me from understanding things which I am hearing. And that includes the things I say.
I'm having a difficult time. I cannot concentrate on my work. I am dying. I am going crazy.
It's this time of year when I sorely miss Lilia. I miss her a lot. I've had ups and downs during Christmas. But it was bearable with Lilia. She handled the Christmas lists and the shopping.
Sadly, I have wanted to cry since late August. A good cry. But it hasn't happened yet.
I am coping. I am now making breakfast for my kids. Waking at 4:30 or 5:00AM to cook breakfast.
Lilia takes care of a lot of things. Not least is the budget and the school opening and Christmas shopping. She cleans the house. I live here but have not cleaned it as much as she did. She took care of us. I miss her a lot.
I feel I am dying. The pain is back.
There's the five stages of death: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have accepted that she is gone. But only now is anger seeping in. And the depression keep coming back. Ano ba???!!!!
I am trying to keep it together, and not show it for the kids. But it is very painful. I guess the pain shows as well.
I can go on and on with this rant. This is a stupid cycle. And the best I can do is do one task at a time.
--Andoy
16 Dec. 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Health Issues
Darwi had acute gastroentiritis last Thursday. She got home not feeling well. She went to the home of one of her classmates, along with some others in her group where they had dinner. Unfortunately, even before dinner she vomited. And she was not able to eat much that night.
She told me when she got home that she was embarrassed that she vomited at her friend's place. I was just glad she got home safe. She didn't eat any that night, and had a slight fever. If she had diarrhea that evening, I would have taken her to the hospital. We had decided that she won't attend class the next day, and instead we'd go see the doctor. She was relatively okay during the weekend, but I as since she was not yet feeling very well, I had her rest on Monday.
And with me, I had postponed visiting the doctor for some time now. I've had gas problems since last week. It subsided somewhat during the weekend, but when Monday came and I was still feeling some pain, I had to have it checked. I'm feeling better now. But the gas keeps coming back. Not as painful as before, but it's really a bother.
Now if the dementors would just keep away so I could get some sleep, then that would make my day.
--Andoy
11 December 2008
She told me when she got home that she was embarrassed that she vomited at her friend's place. I was just glad she got home safe. She didn't eat any that night, and had a slight fever. If she had diarrhea that evening, I would have taken her to the hospital. We had decided that she won't attend class the next day, and instead we'd go see the doctor. She was relatively okay during the weekend, but I as since she was not yet feeling very well, I had her rest on Monday.
And with me, I had postponed visiting the doctor for some time now. I've had gas problems since last week. It subsided somewhat during the weekend, but when Monday came and I was still feeling some pain, I had to have it checked. I'm feeling better now. But the gas keeps coming back. Not as painful as before, but it's really a bother.
Now if the dementors would just keep away so I could get some sleep, then that would make my day.
--Andoy
11 December 2008
Paquito Sanchez
My brother-in-law passed away this past weekend. Paquito was 49. He left behind his wife Grace in Canada and four children. His eldest is studying nursing in FEU while his three other kids are all in Canada.
Binigyan na siya ng taning sa buhay noong isa pang taon. Ang sabi ng doctor ay wala na silang magagawa para sa kanya.
He has had multiple operations. Part of his lung was cut, along with his stomach and several feet of his intestines.
I'm happy that he survived more than a year after being discharged from the hospital. For me, it's some sort of bonus time. But I am not okay with this.
What's sad is that he was not able to see his youngest daughter since he came back from Canada. She planed in with her older brother this past Tuesday. The youngest sibling had wanted to go visit as well, but there was not enough financing available for all to go back to the Philippines. Grace elected to stay in Canada. Though it was her sister who footed the bill for the two kids to fly back.
No, I am not okay with this. It felt like a slow creeping depression which I experienced last Sunday, when we went home. On Satuday, we went to the house in Novaliches, for the wake, and stayed overnight. From there, we went decided to do some shopping just to be ahead of the Christmas shopping rush. This was more or less a spur of the moment thing, as I didn't know when I would do my Christmas shopping.
I guess it did show that I wasn't in the mood for Christmas. Maybe not yet. Maybe not really this year. It was not like a "bah humbug" kind of feeling. It was just like sleep walking. I didn't have any plans to buy anything, but still took the time to do so.
Paquito was the youngest of Lilia's brothers. I guess I did try not to be too much affected by his death. But that's that. And the feeling of emptiness just creeped in.
Supposedly there are several stages when getting the news about death: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance. With Lilia, I am hovering between depression, acceptance and anger. With Paquito, I have accepted it before it ever happened, but I am still in denial.
I don't like it. I absolutely hate it. He's gone, and there's nothing much I can do. But I don't have to like it.
--Andoy
10 December 2008
Binigyan na siya ng taning sa buhay noong isa pang taon. Ang sabi ng doctor ay wala na silang magagawa para sa kanya.
He has had multiple operations. Part of his lung was cut, along with his stomach and several feet of his intestines.
I'm happy that he survived more than a year after being discharged from the hospital. For me, it's some sort of bonus time. But I am not okay with this.
What's sad is that he was not able to see his youngest daughter since he came back from Canada. She planed in with her older brother this past Tuesday. The youngest sibling had wanted to go visit as well, but there was not enough financing available for all to go back to the Philippines. Grace elected to stay in Canada. Though it was her sister who footed the bill for the two kids to fly back.
No, I am not okay with this. It felt like a slow creeping depression which I experienced last Sunday, when we went home. On Satuday, we went to the house in Novaliches, for the wake, and stayed overnight. From there, we went decided to do some shopping just to be ahead of the Christmas shopping rush. This was more or less a spur of the moment thing, as I didn't know when I would do my Christmas shopping.
I guess it did show that I wasn't in the mood for Christmas. Maybe not yet. Maybe not really this year. It was not like a "bah humbug" kind of feeling. It was just like sleep walking. I didn't have any plans to buy anything, but still took the time to do so.
Paquito was the youngest of Lilia's brothers. I guess I did try not to be too much affected by his death. But that's that. And the feeling of emptiness just creeped in.
Supposedly there are several stages when getting the news about death: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance. With Lilia, I am hovering between depression, acceptance and anger. With Paquito, I have accepted it before it ever happened, but I am still in denial.
I don't like it. I absolutely hate it. He's gone, and there's nothing much I can do. But I don't have to like it.
--Andoy
10 December 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
SM Marikina: Bright! Very Bright!
The SM Mall near our place opened last September 5, which coincided with my birthday. For about a month before the opening, me and my family have been joking about going there on opening day. Unfortunately, some things happened and we ended up at Sta. Lucia on September 5.
It was a good thing we didn't go to SM Marikina on opening day as the place was supposedly packed. There were a lot of people checking out the new mall. Among other things, there were free film showings. Oh well. (And if I had known, I would have gone there too.)
So, finally, after more than a month and a half, I found myself going there because Globe Handiphone/Wireless moved from Robinson's Marcos Highway to SM City Marikina.
Even from the outside, it looked small. It looks a lot smaller than SM Centerpoint in Sta. Mesa. But it did have a better looking facade with the glass wall which was about a third of the width of the building, and from the first-floor to the top.
I didn't put much significance to the glass facade. Until I stepped into the building. And it was bright inside. It was very bright inside from all the sunlight streaming in through the glass wall. I did enter the mall before noon time, and the building faced south-west, catching the afternoon sun straight on. Walking around the building the northern side facing the river, also had an ample glass wall. As a general rule, SM Malls have always used bright lights inside. And the bright lighting plus the natural lighting coming in through the glass made the interiors very bright indeed.
As an added bonus, the place looked airy. But this was maybe because of the relatively wider hallways. At least, the hallways are wider than most of the SM Malls, like MegaMall, Centerpoint, Manila, North EDSA, Fairview, and Cebu and relatively wider than Southmall. It's almost as wide as the center area of SM Makati.
In terms of being light, and sunny, SM Marikina compares favorably with Ayala Town Center. In fact, the only place I've found about the same amount of natural light would be Ayala Center Cebu. And Ayala Center Cebu has about as airy an ambience as that of SM Marikina. (Amend that, Ayala Center Cebu is a lot more airy.)
Yes, I've been to SM Mall of Asia. Once. Or twice. And I don't really like it. It has more room. But the place stinks from Manila Bay's breeze and it has a sheen of dirtiness to it.
It was a good thing we didn't go to SM Marikina on opening day as the place was supposedly packed. There were a lot of people checking out the new mall. Among other things, there were free film showings. Oh well. (And if I had known, I would have gone there too.)
So, finally, after more than a month and a half, I found myself going there because Globe Handiphone/Wireless moved from Robinson's Marcos Highway to SM City Marikina.
Even from the outside, it looked small. It looks a lot smaller than SM Centerpoint in Sta. Mesa. But it did have a better looking facade with the glass wall which was about a third of the width of the building, and from the first-floor to the top.
I didn't put much significance to the glass facade. Until I stepped into the building. And it was bright inside. It was very bright inside from all the sunlight streaming in through the glass wall. I did enter the mall before noon time, and the building faced south-west, catching the afternoon sun straight on. Walking around the building the northern side facing the river, also had an ample glass wall. As a general rule, SM Malls have always used bright lights inside. And the bright lighting plus the natural lighting coming in through the glass made the interiors very bright indeed.
As an added bonus, the place looked airy. But this was maybe because of the relatively wider hallways. At least, the hallways are wider than most of the SM Malls, like MegaMall, Centerpoint, Manila, North EDSA, Fairview, and Cebu and relatively wider than Southmall. It's almost as wide as the center area of SM Makati.
In terms of being light, and sunny, SM Marikina compares favorably with Ayala Town Center. In fact, the only place I've found about the same amount of natural light would be Ayala Center Cebu. And Ayala Center Cebu has about as airy an ambience as that of SM Marikina. (Amend that, Ayala Center Cebu is a lot more airy.)
Yes, I've been to SM Mall of Asia. Once. Or twice. And I don't really like it. It has more room. But the place stinks from Manila Bay's breeze and it has a sheen of dirtiness to it.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Gundam 00: The First Season
I may not have watched all the Gundam series, but I would admit to being a fan. In fact, I remember buying a Gundam model before any Gundam series was ever shown on local TV. At the time, these toys were just on display and nobody was buying them.
(Come to think of it, it seems that one reason nobody took notice of these toys at that time were because of several things: these are not Voltes V or Mazinger Z; the Gundam anime series weren't being shown yet on local TV; and/or the toys needed some assembly. I would guess the latter.)
Moving forward to 2008, and here's the latest incarnation of the Gundam series. Gundam 00 is still mecha, but with more neurotic main characters than ever before. Sure Gundam Wing had four boys who were each loners and neurotic, but in Gundam 00 the main characters are not just hung up with something, they're also bishounen types.
Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always thought that the bishounen was a counter-foil to the protagonist. Much like the noh drama having a shiite (protagonist) and a waki (antagonist), the characters have masks which portray the emotions or thoughts of the role. Here, much like the noh drama, the counterfoils also have their own sidekicks. And there's a musical interlude every so often.
This is not a bishounen fest (nor a babe fest, for that matter) but for the most part there is more technical emphasis on the mecha than in most anime or even compared to earlier Gundam sagas. And the machines are more vulnerable Gundams.
There is however quite an emphasis on being slightly large, though still within the norms (I think). The tech girls are have big boobs. At least that's two girls with big boobs out of three in the cockpit. And the main strategist is tall and sophisticated, she has her own mini-bar, in her quarters, on Ptolemy which is a mothership and control center for the Gundam fleet. The guns are also slightly large. Or in the case of the sniper (called, fittingly enough, "Lockon") a very big sniper gun. Big! Really big!
As a mecha series, this is violent. But some of the characters are more violent than others. I would say that there are some who are certifiably insanely violent, and they're on both sides of the fence. Real psycho types. Though I would respect them more than the other types who are too cool under pressure. Cold blooded with ice in their veins. And two of them are girls.
Oh, and one schizoid.
Yes, I like the graphics. Yes, I like the story. Yes, I like the series even without the great graphics or the immersive story. So sue me!
The second season is soon to begin in Japan. And the first season is about to shown in the US.
This series rocks!
(Come to think of it, it seems that one reason nobody took notice of these toys at that time were because of several things: these are not Voltes V or Mazinger Z; the Gundam anime series weren't being shown yet on local TV; and/or the toys needed some assembly. I would guess the latter.)
Moving forward to 2008, and here's the latest incarnation of the Gundam series. Gundam 00 is still mecha, but with more neurotic main characters than ever before. Sure Gundam Wing had four boys who were each loners and neurotic, but in Gundam 00 the main characters are not just hung up with something, they're also bishounen types.
Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always thought that the bishounen was a counter-foil to the protagonist. Much like the noh drama having a shiite (protagonist) and a waki (antagonist), the characters have masks which portray the emotions or thoughts of the role. Here, much like the noh drama, the counterfoils also have their own sidekicks. And there's a musical interlude every so often.
This is not a bishounen fest (nor a babe fest, for that matter) but for the most part there is more technical emphasis on the mecha than in most anime or even compared to earlier Gundam sagas. And the machines are more vulnerable Gundams.
There is however quite an emphasis on being slightly large, though still within the norms (I think). The tech girls are have big boobs. At least that's two girls with big boobs out of three in the cockpit. And the main strategist is tall and sophisticated, she has her own mini-bar, in her quarters, on Ptolemy which is a mothership and control center for the Gundam fleet. The guns are also slightly large. Or in the case of the sniper (called, fittingly enough, "Lockon") a very big sniper gun. Big! Really big!
As a mecha series, this is violent. But some of the characters are more violent than others. I would say that there are some who are certifiably insanely violent, and they're on both sides of the fence. Real psycho types. Though I would respect them more than the other types who are too cool under pressure. Cold blooded with ice in their veins. And two of them are girls.
Oh, and one schizoid.
Yes, I like the graphics. Yes, I like the story. Yes, I like the series even without the great graphics or the immersive story. So sue me!
The second season is soon to begin in Japan. And the first season is about to shown in the US.
This series rocks!
Monday, October 06, 2008
Wearing the ring... Again
I never really knew my wedding ring was kept since I had it repaired (altered? enlarged?) but I was pleasantly surprised when I found it again. I was rummaging among some of Lilia's things trying to find a pair of scissors. And among some of the knick knacks were the rings we've had repaired.
I wasn't really trying to find it. And was not really thinking of wearing it. But it was there. And I wore it. It's now of a good fit, but a bit tight going through the knuckle. I should still be able to take it out anytime I want to. Just needs a little bit of getting used to. And I need to remember to take it off every so often. Or maybe not.
Yes, finger still hurts a bit till now, but, at least, the ring is not pressing on the finger anymore.
I wasn't really trying to find it. And was not really thinking of wearing it. But it was there. And I wore it. It's now of a good fit, but a bit tight going through the knuckle. I should still be able to take it out anytime I want to. Just needs a little bit of getting used to. And I need to remember to take it off every so often. Or maybe not.
Yes, finger still hurts a bit till now, but, at least, the ring is not pressing on the finger anymore.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Slow September, Fast Hours
This is my day: I wake up, get some breakfast, work on the computer, have some lunch, work some more, merienda (and maybe take a nap after merienda). The kids arrive and I stop working when they do. After dinner, I continue working till around I don't know what time. Get some sleep and then I wake up with a start.
This has been the longest September I have ever experienced. The funny thing is that the days seem to go by so fast. Is it me or am I in some kind of a time warp where time suddenly has a mind of its own?
Weirder and weirder.
This has been the longest September I have ever experienced. The funny thing is that the days seem to go by so fast. Is it me or am I in some kind of a time warp where time suddenly has a mind of its own?
Weirder and weirder.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
And moving forward...
Something happened two weeks back. My wife died. I'm writing this now hoping that I can move forward as I have not been able to. Dying is like a hump for the survivors. I admit I could not let go because I don't know how.
I was working that night. And it was a pleasant surprise that the kids and Lilia went to bed early. Around 10pm, Lilia had to get up and pee. Passing by the open door she saw me still working and told me to get some sleep lest I get sick.
Two hours later, I heard a bang with her on the floor prone with her hands across her chest. I turned her on her back and I tried to revive her. Didn't work. The past two weeks have been a blur.
It seems that everything is moving so fast.
The house is a mess. Two renters moved into the apartment on the house's ground floor. And we had to move our things out of there. We haven't cleared out Lilia's things. But we were able to pack her clothes. These would be sent to Bolinao for distribution there.
(For several years now, my parent's have been bringing old clothes to Bolinao, almost twice a year, for distribution to relatives who are not as well off as we are. The rest of the family pitches in and segregates old clothes for this purpose.)
On the advice of friends, the kids and I have done some re-arranging. We've taken out some chairs. These are now being used by one of the renters. We've put the computer in the living room. So when I work at night I am sitting with the couch to my back. That's where Lilia died by the way. And I just have to keep looking behind my back at the sofa.
The last photo we had together was during the storm.
I took a work-at-home internet-based job so that I can watch over Lilia. The daily commute was a good two hours in the morning and more than two hours in the evening. That was not good. And considering that she got hospitalized in June, I thought that working from home was a no-brainer. Three weeks later, I find myself at home and alone.
I haven't been listening to mp3 songs lately. Most of the songs are downers or from Kenneth's emo playlist. It would have been okay if it was Kenneth playing the guitar, then Darwi and I would be singing along.
I am not into a depression. I am staring at it and keeping away as much as I can.
But after two weeks, I still can't let go. I don't know how. I am not a teetotaler, but I'm no drinker either. My focus right now is work and the kids.
They're teenagers now, with Kenneth a freshman fine arts student and Darwi graduating from high school. They should be able to take care of themselves if I leave them at home. But I'm not very comfortable leaving them.
We've had some household activities which we do as a group. These were all Lilia's tasks before. She didn't give these tasks for us to do. Now we do the household tasks. But poorly.
How do I let go of a twenty year marriage?
I've known Lilia for 25 years. Deep she is. That one has seen the future. And she has seen the now. Lives in both she does.
Lilia sleeps on the couch. She has her legs elevated as well as her head and torso. Kinda awkward methinks. The legs have to be elevated because of her allergy and varicose veins. Her upper body has to be elevated because she has an enlarged heart. Every so often she groans and moans from a bad dream, and I have to wake her up. (On the other hand, I also have those dreams where I literally cry out for help for somebody to wake me up.)
We've got a small place. Two bedrooms, one was formerly occupied by the kids and the other by me and Lilia. I asked Kenneth to move out of the other bedroom and room with me. I guess I did that so that I won't be afraid of sleeping. We don't close doors here. Never been a habit.
I'm moving forward. But I still have this very physical pain in my chest.
Sometime soon it won't be as painful. I hope.
--Andoy
3 Sept. 2008
I was working that night. And it was a pleasant surprise that the kids and Lilia went to bed early. Around 10pm, Lilia had to get up and pee. Passing by the open door she saw me still working and told me to get some sleep lest I get sick.
Two hours later, I heard a bang with her on the floor prone with her hands across her chest. I turned her on her back and I tried to revive her. Didn't work. The past two weeks have been a blur.
It seems that everything is moving so fast.
The house is a mess. Two renters moved into the apartment on the house's ground floor. And we had to move our things out of there. We haven't cleared out Lilia's things. But we were able to pack her clothes. These would be sent to Bolinao for distribution there.
(For several years now, my parent's have been bringing old clothes to Bolinao, almost twice a year, for distribution to relatives who are not as well off as we are. The rest of the family pitches in and segregates old clothes for this purpose.)
On the advice of friends, the kids and I have done some re-arranging. We've taken out some chairs. These are now being used by one of the renters. We've put the computer in the living room. So when I work at night I am sitting with the couch to my back. That's where Lilia died by the way. And I just have to keep looking behind my back at the sofa.
The last photo we had together was during the storm.
I took a work-at-home internet-based job so that I can watch over Lilia. The daily commute was a good two hours in the morning and more than two hours in the evening. That was not good. And considering that she got hospitalized in June, I thought that working from home was a no-brainer. Three weeks later, I find myself at home and alone.
I haven't been listening to mp3 songs lately. Most of the songs are downers or from Kenneth's emo playlist. It would have been okay if it was Kenneth playing the guitar, then Darwi and I would be singing along.
I am not into a depression. I am staring at it and keeping away as much as I can.
But after two weeks, I still can't let go. I don't know how. I am not a teetotaler, but I'm no drinker either. My focus right now is work and the kids.
They're teenagers now, with Kenneth a freshman fine arts student and Darwi graduating from high school. They should be able to take care of themselves if I leave them at home. But I'm not very comfortable leaving them.
We've had some household activities which we do as a group. These were all Lilia's tasks before. She didn't give these tasks for us to do. Now we do the household tasks. But poorly.
How do I let go of a twenty year marriage?
I've known Lilia for 25 years. Deep she is. That one has seen the future. And she has seen the now. Lives in both she does.
Lilia sleeps on the couch. She has her legs elevated as well as her head and torso. Kinda awkward methinks. The legs have to be elevated because of her allergy and varicose veins. Her upper body has to be elevated because she has an enlarged heart. Every so often she groans and moans from a bad dream, and I have to wake her up. (On the other hand, I also have those dreams where I literally cry out for help for somebody to wake me up.)
We've got a small place. Two bedrooms, one was formerly occupied by the kids and the other by me and Lilia. I asked Kenneth to move out of the other bedroom and room with me. I guess I did that so that I won't be afraid of sleeping. We don't close doors here. Never been a habit.
I'm moving forward. But I still have this very physical pain in my chest.
Sometime soon it won't be as painful. I hope.
--Andoy
3 Sept. 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Missing Photos
I never gave it a thought that a website will disappear. But then
again, it was bound to happen. That's the reason websites are not
cited in academic publications: because website contents can change,
the link can disappear or the whole web page disappear.
again, it was bound to happen. That's the reason websites are not
cited in academic publications: because website contents can change,
the link can disappear or the whole web page disappear.
So now I have a bunch of blog entries without any links to pictures.
Moving forward, I have two choices, suck it, or do something about it.
I choose the latter: I'll recreate the postings using another photo
site on the web. In a leisurely fashion as I would be trying to find
the pictures first. And then post them on the photo website. This
would take some time.
Meantime, I've been busy. Writing. This could be a full-time job.
And working from home.
-- Andoy
Antonio Castellano, Jr.
Cell No: +63 915 466-3214
{thesaurus: (n.) an small extinct lizard with a large vocabulary.}
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