My Son Kenneth

It's my son Kenneth's birthday tomorrow. He's 14 years old.

There are a lot of things a father can wish for. So far he seems
okay. I have been a somewhat laidback father. I have not fretted too
much that he will injure himself or hurt himself in any way while
playing with kids his age. I have worried a little bit about his age.
They are average grades, though I know that if I had pushed and tried
harder, these would have gone significantly higher. I blame myself
for his (relatively) low grades. No, really, I do.

He is charming. Skinny, but has a handsome face. Not ruggedly
handsome, not a soft handsome, pretty boy face, but a silently aloof
and quite confident face. His smile can light up the room. However,
he only smiles if he is enjoying himself. I think he knows he is
handsome and has accepted that with equanimity and without any
arrogance. He has a good fashion sense. Kenneth knows how to pick
and wear his clothes, almost perfectly meticulous when he wants to.

For his age, he is taller than most. At least he is taller than most
of his friends. I just hope he gets to be taller than me, and adds
more bulk like his uncles (my brothers).

There are days when he is grouchy. I guess he gets it from my side of
the family. When any of us seven siblings wake up on the wrong side
of the bed, it takes a while before the grouchiness wears off. When
Kenneth wakes up grouchy, he's a grouch for most of the day.

Kenneth is a little bit impatient at times. He needs to learn to sit
still and enjoy the feeling of emptiness engulfing you while waiting
for the rest of the family to get dressed so we can get out of the
house. He has never experienced climbing to the roof and sitting
still under the branches of the guava tree. He has never sought to be
alone. I believe he really needs to learn that.

What do I want to happen to him?

I wish for a lot. But I have taken a different approach than those
which I wished for. In a way, I have taken the approach which my
father inadvertently took with me. My father left me alone to seek my
destiny, he let me go to make something of myself, to make my own
decisions and to make my own mistakes. He did serve as a safety net.
My father may have worried about me, but I never saw him interfere.
That may not have been his initial plans. He wanted me to be
somebody: a corporate intellectual. And I failed that image he had.
That I guess is where I differ in the approach. I do not have any
ideas about what my son will be.

I want Kenneth to be happy. I want him to accept himself. I want him
to have chances. I want him to find the doors and passageways. And I
also want him to experience getting lost in the various doors and
passageways. In short I want him to experience life. I know that
every so often he will fail or he will get lost. But I have trained
him, and will continue to train him, to stand up after each failure.

I aim to be more of a father to him now than I ever did before. I
also want to continue to be his friend. I understand that he has
apprehensions about talking to me. He still does not understand that
I am just waiting for him to start talking and I will listen. I want
to continue to be his friend. A friend in the same manner that I have
been a friend to my friends.

Girls? One of these days he will find out what girls are. I just
hope he finds someone he likes and who will like him in return. If
I'm lucky, my wife might even approve of the girl. Woe unto the girl
if my wife does not like her for Kenneth.

I can see that the next five to ten years will be exciting for him. I
wish him all the luck in the world. He will need it.

As for me, the next few years will be see wild swings between wanting
to control, intervene and letting go of my son. This will be exciting
for me as well. Although I know I don't need to really worry. Let
the mother worry over the son, is what I say.

I do have a daughter who is 12 years old. And the next few years
watching her grow up is what worries me.


--andoy