I need sugar. I need lots of sugar to get a sugar high. Not that I'm feeling a sugar low kind of thing, where you want to throw things and you're just tetchy of some sort, or on edge. (Hell, I normally when I feel this way, I'd be throwing the cell phone. But my phone is in the shop and I should be picking it up during the weekend; and what I'm using right now is second hand, and already busted and a Nokia. I don't trust this Nokia phone to survive even the threat of being thrown.)
I could go to Sbarro for lunch. Alone. And order a slice of pepperoni pizza, with meat lasagna.
Or better yet, lunch with beer or wine. That sounds nice.
I can also go to the Starbucks across the street and have a nice warm grande size mint tea.
Until last night I had half a mind to have sex Friday morning. or Saturday morning or Saturday afternoon. I guess that can wait. Some other time then.
If I wasn't in the office yet (running late, for instance, or on the field somewhere, client site maybe) I'd be going home just about now, and make it for brunch or the morning coffee break (merienda). Playing hookie would be a better alternative than a day like this.
But it's not the day, actually, which bothers me. The day is fine. It's summer, and it's just getting warm, and warmer, and warmer... The people are fun, they're enjoying themselves today, pressure is off somewhat. The job is fine, I was moving along some documents, editing here and there. Continuously revising and writing.
It's just suddenly crawled up on me. It is getting so that I might be feeling that I hate today. Just because it's a day you might like to hate. Randomly.
I want my phone back. I'll be getting it on the weekend. I can wait.
I want my friend back. Did I lose my friend? I don't know. I have no idea. Could I get my friend back. I don't know. How can I get my friend back? Again, no idea. Damn!
I just called my wife. I asked for a hug. And I told her I missed her. She asked what's wrong. And I said, "nothing."
It's that kind of a day.
The highlight so far was answering an email for a dear caller. She is a dear, really. How can you get mad at her, when she's such a sweet lady. It was a simple question which I forgot to answer yesterday. That was the highlight of the morning. I was happy.
And then the "feeling" started to crawl towards me. I didn't notice. Until it was too late. Now I'm feeling like I want to get mad, and angry. But there's nothing there to get angry at. Not Geoffrey's singing while he's at plugged in to his computer. He's just working and trying to enjoy the drudgery.
I gave a negative comment to a lady co-worker, the moment she walked in. I normally would not consider her as fat. In fact, I doubt if she will ever go over the recommended weight for her height. I just noticed something, gave the comment, "you look fat in what you're wearing." And she gave notice that she didn't like the comment by dropping a bag of books on her desk. God! Those were Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic books inside the bag! Five of them! Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Kristy!
And then I noticed that "feeling" has captured me. It crept, it crawled, and my skin is tingling from the "feeling." I don't like it. And it makes me think that I don't like this day. I'm going to go home early, perhaps. This afternoon, at 5:30 I will knock off work and go home.
I missed "The Amazing Race" last night. Maybe that was it. I sorted CD's and DVD's until almost 12:00 midnight. I was listless. I was missing something. I guess it wasn't "The Amazing Race," I can always watch a replay. I don't want to put a finger on it. I don't even want to know what it was. I wanted to throw glasses in the kitchen last night. Instead I sulked off to the bedroom and was mellow the whole time. I'm still mellow. Just not feeling okay. Not feeling nice, and not feeling great.
Maybe I'll write a poem. I don't know. I have no idea. Only thing I can do is keep my mouth shut before I start shouting at Geoff to tone down his singing. [hahaha]
I do know I can't borrow the DVD-100 any more. Hell! I knew that since before last week. Damn! And just when I needed it then.
Oh well, I'll try to be mellow. That would be something.
And it was such a nice day to disappear.
[Listening to: "I Go Crazy"]
--andoy
31 March 2005
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