Don't Send These 7 E-Mails From Work!

From the Netscape website, one of the articles below about emails from work. I admit I've been guilty of:

• Item (2) before, but I've not been forwarding such scams any more.
• Partly of Item (3) as I send pictures but no links.
• Item (4) I make sure it is not on company mail, and that I am no longer working for that company.
• Item (5), same as Item (2), see above.

Am I reformed. I don't think so.

--andoy

-=0=-

Don't Send These 7 E-Mails From Work!

If you're not careful, your e-mail can get you fired.

Think that's a remote possibility? Think again. In 2003, 25 percent of
all companies canned a worker just for violating the firm's e-mail
policy. Most corporate policies regarding e-mail are fairly simple and
straightforward and usually grounded in good old common sense.

PCWorld reporter Daniel Tynan has identified seven types of e-mail
messages you should never send from work if you want to stay employed:

1. Sexually explicit messages
No matter how great your Saturday night date, don't recount the
details in an e-mail to anyone if you're using your work address. Just
as the date was personal, keep the details personal and use your
personal e-mail address if you must brag.

2. Scam spam
We're all familiar with that message from a deposed citizen of an
African nation who needs your urgent assistance so you can become a
million dollars richer. No matter how humorous or tempting you may
find the offer, do not forward it to friends or colleagues.

3. Pornographic photos
Dow Chemical. Hewlett-Packard. The New York Times. Do you know what
these three companies have in common? They have each fired employees
for sending e-mails to their work buddies with Web site links to porn
photos. Is your job and family's security worth that?

4. Messages denigrating the boss
Here's a fun fact of corporate life of which you may not be aware:
Your company probably has a system in place to monitor your e-mail.
Complain about the boss and chances are very high someone you really
don't want to read your tirade will see it--your boss. Vent verbally.
That's why there's a water cooler!

5. Jokes
Your colleagues may not share your sense of humor, especially when it
comes to off-color, sexist, or racist jokes. True story: After Chevron
employees passed around an e-mail titled "25 reasons why beer is
better than women," four female employees sued the company for sexual
harassment. The cost to Chevron: a whopping $2.2 million. Not much of
a joke, after all.

6. Sensitive, personal information
Hey, bosses: When it comes time for your employees' quarterly and
annual reviews, do it in person and not by e-mail. When you use e-mail
to communicate an employee's performance evaluation, salary package,
and Social Security number that can become part of the public record
should the company be investigated or get involved in a legal action.

7. Messages urging someone to break the rules
Breaking the rules is unethical. Breaking the law is illegal. Either
way, don't ever send an e-mail urging anyone in your company to do
anything illegal, such as destroying files. Exhibit A: Investment
banker Frank Quattrone, who was sentenced to 18 months in prison for
obstruction of justice when he sent an e-mail to Credit Suisse First
Boston employees encouraging them to destroy evidence requested in an
SEC investigation.

Yahoo! News - Deep Impact Space Probe Aims to Slam Into Comet

Yahoo! News - Deep Impact Space Probe Aims to Slam Into Comet

After more than 20 years of theoretical design and discussion, it will finally happen. A variant of this was a drop-down into the Jovian atmosphere and a spacecraft tailing the tail of Halley's comet. The latter project was not funded enough to get off the ground before the comet came around.

--andoy

Yahoo! News - Democratic Volunteers to Canvass Florida

Yahoo! News - Democratic Volunteers to Canvass Florida

In an effort to make sure that Florida delivers (?) the correct vote count.

La Identidad Femenina y la Terapia Floral

La Identidad Femenina y la Terapia Floral
written by Marisa Paula Scrocco

While I was in college I was writing letters with a girl my age from Argentina named Marisa Paula Scrocco. Now after 20 years, I found a person with the same name. I think I need to verify that this is her.

--andoy

Oktoberfest

In Germany, the Oktoberfest starts mid-September to the first week of
October. However, typically Pinoy, this is "celebrated" during
October. Last year, the first weekend (Friday evening) ot Oktoberfest
was at the Eastwood City and the traffic jam was up to about five
miles in every direction. Ortigas Avenue was jammed, same with Green
Meadows, White Plains, Katipunan Avenue, Boni Serrano, Marcos Highway
and Riverbanks Commercial. The traffic started to build up after
office hours, around 5:00pm and was heavy until the around 4:00 or
5:00 the Saturday morning. The first weekend usually has a larger
crowd.

Lat year, I did not know that the traffic would be that heavy. Since
I work the night shift I usually arrive around 11:45pm at my desk. I
arrived around 12:15 or 12:20. I walked from Ortigas Avenue, to Green
Meadows. At that point, I was feeling some pain on my shin and from
then on jogged to the office. About three kilometers in total. I
really felt out of shape.

This year the first weekend's Oktoberfest was held at the Metrowalk at
Ortigas. Of course, there was still a lot of traffic spilling over to
Libis. The third weekend though was at Eastwood City. Again there
was a traffic jam with vehicles at a crawl in the general direction of
Eastwood, but more manageable than during the first weekend.

This time around I was not late. I was coming from Makati, and
arrived at the office around 10:30pm, after walking from the corner of
Ortigas Avenue and C5. It was a brisk walk with no problems. I felt
the pain several hours afterwards. After puttering around I took an
hour nap (very shallow sleep) on my desk, and woke up at 11:58, just
in time to log in.

I really need to spend some time exercising. I am out of shape.

--andoy

Omar Sharif

Omar Sharif in a military coat. This was from Dr. Zhivago. From GQ November 1993.



Maybe not practical in the Philippines, but it does look good if you were in Europe.

--andoy

Hidalgo

I just Hidalgo on DVD. I was not able to see it during its theatrical release.

There are some movies which should only be shown in movie houses. This is one of them. The scenes do not work well on anything smaller than a house's wall! The desert! The photography! The desert photography!

Some days I would like to get my hands on a projector, paint the wall white and "throw" the movie on it. (I heard that the cheapest projector available on the market right now is around 50,000 pesos. Some day soon it will really be affordable as well as portable.)

Trivia: If I am not mistaken, this was Omar Sharif's 3rd movie as an Arabian nobleman. He was born in Egypt and has taken on a wide range of roles, including that of a Russian in "Doctor Zhivago" (which was filmed in Spain!). That was a great coat he wore in that movie!

--andoy

The Rule of Thirds and Digital Cameras

The present popularity of digital cameras came about because of the 1980's and 1990's boom in point-and-shoot 35mm film cameras. These are easy to use, no hassle, just point (automatic self-focusing) and shoot. Next step is to go to the photo print shop and have the film developed. If the user does not know how to take out the film (or even insert the film in the first place) the store clerk can assist you in taking it out -- and making sure that the film is not exposed in the process.

The digital cameras go up one evolutionary step higher. There is no film, so the pictures get downloaded and printed from the computer or if the user so wants, he can still get this printed at the mall's print shop. Since almost everyone with a digital camera also has an email address, logically, lots of these pictures also get sent to wherever friends, relatives, websites are.

With almost all major film (and camera and computer) manufacturers also creating their own line of digital cameras, it stands to reason that there might be more pictures being taken now with digital cameras than with film-based cameras. Because there is no film.

There was a glaring problem with point-and-shoot cameras. It was so glaring, that it differentiates and defines the quality between pictures taken by dedicated hobbyists and professionals using SLR cameras pictures taken by real amateurs or beginners with point-and-shoot cameras. Most of those taken by amateurs and beginners are center-oriented. The subject is typically in the center and in the (traditional) formal pose. This is still true of digital camera users of today. Even with the "free film" of digital cameras, this is still the case. This is partly because to the photographer it doesn't really matter how the photo is composed. If you do not have the "eye" for composition, and no inclination to study and develop composition, this will not happen.

The other reason, is because with early point-and-shoot cameras, off-center subjects are off focus. To a certain extent this is still true of digital cameras, as some cameras will not focus unless it is centered. Other cameras just default to center-focus and the user doesn't know the difference.

The "rule of thirds" is a simplified interpretation or rule of thumb in composing pictures. You divide the shot into 3, and have the subject occupy the left or the right -- rarely the center. Simple and easy to follow. And out of focus because the camera does not focus on the 2-thirds which is the left and right, but in the middle. Could have been a great composition, just that the picture is blurred. The only solution is to study the camera manual and experiment. Should take the regular user about 2 to 3 weeks to go through the camera features while taking pictures. And forever to remember how to do it right. Sounds almost like a manual SLR learning curve.

Which is why, sooner or later, I will get myself a digital SLR, so I can go full-manual again. I do sound like a throwback sometimes.

--andoy

Before Basho (a web site)

Basho (also pronounced Basho-o) was a Japanese poet famous for his haikus. In present-day Japan, there are still a lot of magazines dedicated to this poetic style.

Before Basho

Show Me Your Boobs

If you are interested in donating to cancer research...

Show Me Your Boobs

A Caluya Reunion

My cousins, the Caluyas had a reunion last Sunday. The week before, Kuya Ruben came in from Canada with his wife Ate Helen and daughter Natchie. Ate Evelyn was there, same with Kuya Benjie, wife Agnes, and all his 4 children. The only Caluya not there was Kuya Ruben's son Ruel.


Tatay, me and Kuya Ruben

Kuya Ruben and Ate Helen came back for a quick visit because of Ate Helen's mom. In fact, her family also had a hurried reunion of sorts, with their brood coming home from Mindanao, Ilocos Region, Texas (?), New Jersey and Spain.


Cousins with Kuya Ruben and Natchie

Natchie made it a point to join Kuya Ruben because she's getting married in December, moving to New Jersey (and from Toronto) and it might be several years before she can come back to visit.

Standing: Tatay Tony and Kuya Ruben; seated: Ate Helen and Mama Claire


Kuya Ruben's late mom, was my Auntie Lilian. She's the eldest of my mom's siblings and her only sister. There are only two of them left, Tiong Dodo is based in Iligan City in Mindanao with his own brood. (I guess it would be a while before Mama and Tiong Dodo would meet again.)


Seated: Ate Helen, Ate Agnes, Kuya Ruben; Standing: Kenneth, Lilia, Andoy, Kuya Virgilio and Ate Evelyn

Speaking about family and relations does make the discussion digress.





Tatay Tony, Kuya Ruben and Kuya Benjie.


Tatay Tony and Kuya Ruben discussing a point.



Kuya Ruben and Kuya Benjie



Cousins with Kuya Ruben and Natchie

Sunday shift

I have sore throat. I am coughing. I am sneezing. And I have no
voice. I think I am coming down with the flu. My whole body hurts.

I thought that there'd be only two of us on the shift Sunday night.
Turns out that Tonet was onboard also. I did some QA while there was
no queues. Though I was still forced to field some calls.

One lady was having a problem with her installation. We were not
understanding one another. She had a hearing aid. After some minutes
she asked if there was a Spanish-speaking agent, and just her luck,
it's a weekend and the agent, was not onboard. I just told her not to
install the software since her computer's OS can do the job on its own
without the software, and in fact, would not even allow the software
to be installed. Sorry about that. No voice and a deaf caller.

When you have no voice and try to take in calls, the callers just
happen to have long names like Lakshmirayana Rachamalla and
Stankiewiczs. Great.

At least there were no irate callers. Now, that would have been fun.

--andoy

Good News and Bad News

The good news is that Cielo did not get hospitalized. At least she
should be up and about by Monday. The bad news is that we're still
short-handed on Monday. Worse news is that I've sniffling my way
through the rest of today's shift.

I've got runny nose, my eyes hurt, my body aches, and I've got sore
throat. All in all a good reason to lie in bed and feel miserable.
Worse news, is that my cousin is in country right now and we're
supposed to have lunch with him today, Sunday, at their house in
Paranaque. Meaning no real sleep for me, as I'm going there with my
family straight from work. And then I'll be on shift tonight and
tomorrow, Monday evening. Day off is on Tuesday and Wednesday. I
think I can still go to work tonight but be absent Monday night.

Let's see what happens.

~o~o~o~

Kuya Ruben has been based in Canada these past 17 years. His two kids
practically grew up there. He's in the country right now because his
mother-in-law is sick. This might be the last time his wife, Ate
Helen might be able to talk to her mom. With them are his daughter
Natchie, who's going to get married in December. Cousin Ruel stayed
behind as he could not get away from work. They've had their shares
of problems but so far, their doing okay in Canada. Truth is, they
were already doing well here in the Philippines. But they were lucky
and they got to migrate before Canada even opened their borders to
Asians' family immigration.

For some time I did consider migrating, but I guess the time for that
has not yet come. Maybe later. Within five years, maybe. Easy
enough working here. Though the benefits seems to be getting eroded
the more you look at them. Some days, it just seems to be a dumb idea
NOT planning to leave.

What's different from shovelling snow at five o'clock in the morning
in the middle of winter with bailing out your house when the flood
waters come in through the door (or seep through the wall). I have no
idea as I have not experienced the former, but do not look forward to
the latter (which happens about 3 times a year).

Work days? I'm working 9:00 am to 6:00 pm Pacific Time (albeit in
Manila), which is only three hours different from working 9:00 to 6:00
pm Eastern Time.

I plan to be a Team Leader by next year. Most probably on a different
account within the same company. If not, then Team Captain with a
different company doesn't sound too bad. And then move up one more
step within two years afterwards, earning maybe 50,000 pesos a month.
If I don't get that, then maybe I'd be pushing for shovelling snow at
5:00am Eastern, before going to work as a short-order cook.

Doesn't make sense? My cousin's first job in Canada was as a kiosk
manager at the train station, selling cigarette and magazines and
what-not. That job lasted a day. He was a College Secretary in
Manila, working on that first job was a humbling experience he says,
and a far cry from his prior job experience. But he persevered. One
of his succeeding jobs was as a burger fast-food manager for several
years. Now he works for the Canadian government. Looking at it from
that viewpoint, I guess it should make sense.

I think I can handle that. I've worked as an accounting clerk for a
book store before. Among other jobs, I've been an insurance
underwriter, a real estate salesman, a collection agency
collector/messenger, programmer and systems analyst, computer
short-course trainor, project administrator, project manager, and as a
documentation specialist. I'm currently a technical support for a
Japanese software company, and looking upwards (because when you're at
the bottom ...)

At this point in my life, I am looking at College for my kids. I want
them to have the best education possible. I want them to have a good
foundation for their own life. I cannot see anything beyond that. A
house, too, with a car as gravy on top of that. I have my short term
goals (which is my career). And I have my long-term goals (which is
the education of my children). One is the foundation of the other.

Migrating? That is something to ponder.


--andoy

Inspector Parker

Great game!

MSN Games by Zone.com -- Inspector Parker

An addictive game, though I must admit that it is not for everyone.
Needs logic, but after a certain point, to have higher scores, you
must maintain your focus and concentration.

screen capture from Inspector Parker 




My current high score is 225,373.

--andoy

Weird Schedules

Friday and another day with weird schedules at work.

Cielo is down, out and hospitalized with pneumonia. Rino came to work
early exchanging shift with Rudi. Rudi is on board up to 8:00am.
Tatum and Geoff are on leave. I don't know when Tatum is supposed to
be back, but Geoff will be back Thursday next week.

I am still thinking of getting a vacation maybe on the last week of October.

--andoy

Artifacts

I still have some items from my college days at Los Banos.

I have this bus ticket as a bookmark for my copy of the "Lord of the Rings Return of the King." It's from 1980 when the bus fare from the Pasay City terminal to College, Laguna was 4.80 pesos.



This UPLB Form 5 was during the Summer term of 1981. Tuition for six units was 120 pesos. My instructor for Speech was Mr. Mike Ortega, who now works for Caltex, Philippines. One of the most popular instructors at Los Banos during his time. And one of the best teachers I have ever had.



This is not just a snippet. It is actually the whole poem, entitled "Taghoy." I wrote this March 6, 1986. Admittedly, a time of controversy, for me it was a time of ennui. People will always remember asking themselves "what next?"



--andoy


Posted by Hello

Migraines and other work-related health problems

I work in a call-center as a Customer Support Representative. The office is located at the Eastwood City Complex in Quezon City, where a lot of other call-centers are also located. If I may make a guess, there may be as many as 5,000 such agents like myself within that area housed in less than 10 buildings.

I've just been regularized and given a promotion and a pay increase. It's close to my residence so commuting is not a problem. And I can see a career path, either within the company or, at least, within the industry.

However, the issue is health. Working on the night-shift is not healthy. Since I started work on the night-shift during the fourth quarter of last year, I've had elevated blood pressure, almost constant headache, back pains, and more than the usual number bouts of migraine.

Lately, I wake up in the middle of the night, on my days off! Just when you get the opportunity to take extended sleep, your body wakes up!

There are days when I can only say to myself that I have to get a different job. Maybe I will. I'm giving myself another six months in my present position, then apply for the next higher position, and another year after that to apply for the next one up. That would be something to look forward to. If I can only hang on.

--andoy

Night Shift and Day Off

I lose count of the days
I have no idea
what day it is
getting lost in the middle of the week
somewhere
or something like that

middle of the week
day off
is all I know
it's my day off

the body hurts
movement pains me
from working
night shift

walking slowly in the morning
a different kind of tired
at end of work day
morning sun shining high
blinding

I'm just happy
it's my day off
two days off
I feel like saying it again
I'm just happy
it's two days off

though I lose count of the day
I know I'm free for today
smiling like crazy
happy


--andoy
6 October 2004

Print Ads and Computers

Nowadays, it's fairly common to see ads which show computers, laptops mostly, and every so often some desktops. The ads themselves might be for something not even remotely connected with computers: like the white laptop attached to the refrigerator like a magnet; or the appliance and electronics store showing hi-tech wares, which show several white laptops on display, and a wide 17-inch laptop; or the guy sitting in front of the laptop, the computer clearly showing a full keyboard and speakers on the side of the keyboard.

Funny thing though is that the lid (the back of the LCD screen), shows a white logo of Apple.




Majority of the computers on print ads or TV show Apple Mac computers. Yet you hardly see any on the workplace and even rarer in households. So far, I know of only 3 (maybe 4) who have Macs at home, and only one of them have OS X. In addition, I know of only one other who has a Powerbook of his own (of those with Macs at home, two of them also have Mac notebooks.)

In the United States, the Mac comprises only 10% of all PC's. Here in the Philippines, that number is very much less. And yet, if you watch TV commercials and print ads and take note of the computers shown you'd think that there are no Intel PC's in the Philippines.

I envy the Mac users. Think about these:

• No Mac viruses, worms or trojans. Or to put it another way, worms, viruses and trojans do not have any effect on the Mac.

• Practically no downtime. The Mac (OS 9, or X) very rarely crashes. Mac OS X, is a UNIX variant. Rock solid.

• For all intents and purposes, the Mac is (at least) 7 years ahead of its time compared to Windows: the Mac was GUI since its inception; tt had always used the mouse; before, it had always used SCSI drives, now it uses fast IDE and Firewire hard disks; onboard Firewire ports; support for multiple monitors (clone or extended view); USB mouse and keyboard (meaning only one cable from computer to the user); plug and play firewire hard disks which can be daisy-chained; with the Mac OS X, multiple disk volume spanning; support for multiple file system types.

• No camera drivers needed. True Plug-and-Play. Just connect the digital camera via USB and use iPhoto to download the contents. Doesn't matter whether it is USB mode Normal/DSC or using USB Mode PTP. With video cameras, just connect via the Firewire and use iMovie.

• Easy network connection, to a LAN or to the internet.

• Security. On the OS X, because it's UNIX, creating individual accounts mean that the account owners cannot access the contents, files or folders of the other accounts. On the LAN, there has to be explicit access to these accounts before being able to read anything on the computer. Worms have no access.

• Burning to CD. Easy, just insert the disk. Drag the files to disk, and when ready to burn, click on the burn button.

The downside?

• Practically no games. It does not have as many game titles as a PC. Sometimes the Java games on the internet are not even playable.

• There are a lot of programs which are Windows only.

All in all, I'd say a fair exchange.

A pair of Macs: An iBook G4 running OS X and an iMac G3 on Mac OS 9.2


--andoy

too long since I last wrote...

It was quite weird writing a poem after more than 10 years. There is
the apprehension, the slight fear, that the words will not flow any
longer. I still cannot write on demand, not while looking at a blank
piece of paper. "The Moth and Flame" started out as a few random
lines I thought of while in the shower. I started to write it down
two hours later. And finished it (or posted it to the blog) after
another 2 hours.

Rusty is the word which comes to mind.

--andoy

temper, temper

I vented my anger at the office last night, and only on the second call of the evening. I kicked my chair, and almost promptly, Ms. Merriam went to Ben and asked him to tell me to tone down as she had prospective clients as guests during that shift.

Several things:

• My nape has been hurting for the past four days.
• I've been having elevated blood pressure for the past few days.
• Two agents on the US line were absent.
• And the other agent was on day-off and could not be contacted to go on the floor.
• Leaving the US line with only 2 agents (me and Tonet) on a Monday (MONDAY!!!) shift.

Great!

What would have made it more fun was if I was given a citation right then and there.

We managed, but there were several repeat calls, a lot of problem calls, a patch/conference call from Florida, no last break for Tonet and me, and the Korean agent was forced to answer a US call, taking about 1 hour to finish.

Great shift. I'm just glad we did not have any irate callers last night.

--andoy

The Moth and the Flame

I am a moth
and I see the flame dancing
it is another flame
in a long memory
of dancing flames

I turn away deliberately
yet I notice
the flame comes nearer instead
I cannot feel the heat
yet
for I am far enough away not to feel it
yet

Though I can feel the last time I was singed
slightly burned
and I had to fly away fast
and far far away from that flame

I never do notice
the flame
coming near

--andoy
5 October 2004

HERO, a Chinese movie in a traditional rendition being shown in modern-day America

I just read several viewer reviews of "Hero" which were posted on the
MSN website. There were a whole lot of them, more than 250 such
posts. From what I read, it seems that either the viewers understood
what they saw and greatly appreciated the movie, or they have no idea
whatsoever.

The movie is not a martial arts flick. It is a stylized dance. It is
a costume play. It is an allegory. It is a philosophical discourse.
Kurusawa's Rashomon would be an equivalent.

I do agree with some of the comments that it is not worth paying US$10
to watch, but only if you did not understand it or expected something
else altogether. It is worth viewing over and over again, not because
you want to see the gore, but to see the drama. This is one of those
movies you would have been asked to see and submit a reaction paper or
critique in a creative writing or literature class.

One comment asked why the Jet Li character dies. That is a
no-brainer, almost like watching "Titanic" and wondering why the ship
had to sink. Or why Jesus was crucified in "The Passion..." Or even
why the Ali MacGraw character had to die in "Love Story." Other
movies come to mind: "The French Connection" (an american detective
in France?); "The Magnificent Seven" (why were they dissuading the
kid?); "Braveheart" (so Mel Gibson died?); "Ronin" (why were they
after the briefcase?); or "All That Jazz" (it's a musical? a comedy?
why were they dancing if he was dying?).

There will always be movies which others cannot understand. I have
given up trying to understand a movie. After watching "A Man and A
Woman," "Help!" and "A Hard Day's Night." I have decided that nothing
needs to make sense, only that it makes sense. Movies are truly an
art form. But only those movies which move a person or makes the
viewer empathize, only those can be considered as art.

Now when is the next James Bond movie coming out?


--andoy

Growing up and becoming a father to a girl

When I was in high school, girls were wearing denim pants. It was
still an age when girls were wearing mini skirts however, the Levi's
was becoming the dress of choice. I can't wait to get to college
where the girls were supposed to be wearing mini-skirts.


When I got to college I enrolled OUTSIDE of Metro Manila (partly
because of a scholarship grant and mainly so I can get away from my
high school classmates). And in U.P. Los Banos, lo and behold, the
girls don't wear mini-skirts. In fact, they don't wear anything sexy.
The sexiest you could get was white t-shirt and denim pants, and
that's the dressiest you could get. At the freshman dance, this was
also the dress code. Where were all the sexy girls?


I did find them, in the course of the next few years. And I had a
grudging respect of the t-shirt and denim clad female after that. But
it did rankle a bit that during the next fifteen years after Los
Banos, the fashion scene was drab and becoming drabber and more
corporate-like.


Almost twenty years later, the women's regular everyday pedestrian
fashion sense comes back to complete the cycle with a vengeance.
The women of today are brazenly sexy, even in white t-shirts and denim
pants. And here I am, frightened of the current fashion because I
have a 12-year old daughter. A year ago, she was skinny with any
curves. Five months after her first period, and she's developing
curves: buttocks, breasts and rounded thighs. (Okay, that may sound
like I'm describing a chicken order at KFC.) And I find myself,
second-guessing my wife on whether the clothes my daughter wears is
acceptable. Although I must admit, she looks like she inherited my
wife's thighs.


Acceptable? To whom? Acceptable to me, of course. That's my
daughter and no kid just off the street or maybe her classmate will
even think about getting close to her without going past me first.
That's my little girl.


Ah! The comment about "the sins of the father"? Karma? All too true, I guess.




--andoy

SS/DD

I worked this past evening. And it was not a particularly good shift.
The calls were good, just that I was not feeling well. My nape hurts
and I think I've got high blood pressure. I went to the clinic during
my first break and I had a BP or 130/100. Contrast this to my BP
yesterday afternoon of 120/80.

I wanted to call my boss and tell him that I can't attend work.
Couldn't make up my mind and just went to work instead. Turns out
that another agent had already informed him that she could not attend.
If I had not gone to work, that would have left the post to a single
support personnel. That would have been fun.

Couldn't go home straight from work, as I need to do some errands.
Will work this out somehow. I'm just glad Saturday is over. Those
two days off were a bummer. I didn't get any rest during that time.

I need a vacation.

--andoy
(sending email from the office)

On Writing

There have been several people who've noted that they like to read
what I've written. I consider this flattering. And I'll take it as a
compliment.

What boggles me is the next statement, they utter: "I wish I could
write like that," or some other variation. Sometimes it's just: "I
wish I could write." Now that's spooky.

I do not have an ordered mind. It goes from here to there, moving
from one idea to the next. Sometimes connecting disjointed thoughts
together, leaving me plenty of time to make these connections logical
by adding smaller steps in between.

I do not have a logical mind. I need to write my thoughts down in
order for them to make any sense. If I don't do that, the thoughts
stay in the background of my mind, popping up sometime in the near
future when it almost makes sense. Usually with several steps missing
in between (see above).

My writings do not make sense when I think about them, rather the
thoughts only make sense after I put them to paper (or virtual paper,
with regards computer files).

I remember high school when we were tasked to write a research paper.
We were told to write down the researches as scraps of data on index
card. These cards contain outlines, quotes, verbatim copies, draft
sentences or paragraphs, summaries, precis, etc. While researching we
were also tasked to submit the outline of the work in progress.
Several outlines in fact, as well as several drafts of the paper. The
process then boils down to being a jigsaw puzzle, with the aim of
making a complete picture which looks like the outline, or close
enough not to make any difference.

Until now, that's the way I write. I start with a an outline. I have
scraps of statements, isolated phrases, or paragraphs. And when I
write it down, I need to rearrange it somewhat to make some sense.
Okay, that was an understatement. In most cases, it never gets
finished because I could not rearrange it enough to suit me. In some
cases, I just don't bother about rearrange things. Quick and dirty
but it does get done.

Maybe sometime soon, if I stick to writing regularly, it would be an
easier process. In which case, the only remaining questions would be
what to write about and how do I begin. I guess one thing would not
change: the hardest about writing is staring at an empty page.


--andoy

Pinoy Poets

I just joined this website. Short story: I saw one of the members post a want/help ad on a yahoo! groups. I got curious and saw that they have a website, a yahoo! groups mailing list and a blog page. Looks cool. I might not be able to attend any meetings, but what the hell.

I haven't written any new poem for the last 13 years or so. I may have, but I'm not sure where those are or where it is. I would have known I had written any IF I had been writing poems with any regularity. I doubt if I did.

Pinoy Poets

Me and my daughter Darwi

New Glasses for Darwi

We're buying new glasses for Darwi today.  This will be her Nth pair of glasses!

She started to wear glasses when she was 5 or 6 years old.  There were vague hints that she needed glasses.  She had to go near the TV set to see anything on it.  In school, she needed to be in front row of seats because she was not able to copy from the blackboard.

There was an early incident which should have clued us in to her poor eyesight.  I was reading a book to my kids, Kenneth and Darwi, before going to sleep, and part of what I regularly did was ask Kenneth to read the book.  They were prone, looking at the book, with the word in the direction of Kenneth.  Darwi was in the opposite direction, prone and looking at the book upside-down.  While Kenneth was reading, Darwi was "reading" ahead of him.  She had already memorized the book (or page) from prior bed-time story telling.  That evening was fun.

We bought the last pair of glasses December last year.  The first problem occurred early in the school year, late June or early July.  One of the lenses came off.  She tried to repair it by using super glue.  And, of course, using too much super glueas she did not know to use it, much less how to repair the lens.  The only problem was that one of the screws came off and this led to the loose lens holder (is that what you call it?).  For the past several months, the replacement screw I used gets to become loose more often, and whenever the replacement screw comes loose the lens holder gets to be a little more loose, and not holding the lens tight. 

Vicious cycle story revisited.

Now while I was repairing it yet again, now the lens broke.  It was plastic.  And since it broke while I was handling it, it was my fault.  Of course.  In my opinion, better it got broke while I was repairing it than while my daughter was using it.

I like that story.  It's better than the ones about another pair of (red eye-frame) glasses.

--andoy

Me and my son Kenneth 

My Son Kenneth

It's my son Kenneth's birthday tomorrow. He's 14 years old.

There are a lot of things a father can wish for. So far he seems
okay. I have been a somewhat laidback father. I have not fretted too
much that he will injure himself or hurt himself in any way while
playing with kids his age. I have worried a little bit about his age.
They are average grades, though I know that if I had pushed and tried
harder, these would have gone significantly higher. I blame myself
for his (relatively) low grades. No, really, I do.

He is charming. Skinny, but has a handsome face. Not ruggedly
handsome, not a soft handsome, pretty boy face, but a silently aloof
and quite confident face. His smile can light up the room. However,
he only smiles if he is enjoying himself. I think he knows he is
handsome and has accepted that with equanimity and without any
arrogance. He has a good fashion sense. Kenneth knows how to pick
and wear his clothes, almost perfectly meticulous when he wants to.

For his age, he is taller than most. At least he is taller than most
of his friends. I just hope he gets to be taller than me, and adds
more bulk like his uncles (my brothers).

There are days when he is grouchy. I guess he gets it from my side of
the family. When any of us seven siblings wake up on the wrong side
of the bed, it takes a while before the grouchiness wears off. When
Kenneth wakes up grouchy, he's a grouch for most of the day.

Kenneth is a little bit impatient at times. He needs to learn to sit
still and enjoy the feeling of emptiness engulfing you while waiting
for the rest of the family to get dressed so we can get out of the
house. He has never experienced climbing to the roof and sitting
still under the branches of the guava tree. He has never sought to be
alone. I believe he really needs to learn that.

What do I want to happen to him?

I wish for a lot. But I have taken a different approach than those
which I wished for. In a way, I have taken the approach which my
father inadvertently took with me. My father left me alone to seek my
destiny, he let me go to make something of myself, to make my own
decisions and to make my own mistakes. He did serve as a safety net.
My father may have worried about me, but I never saw him interfere.
That may not have been his initial plans. He wanted me to be
somebody: a corporate intellectual. And I failed that image he had.
That I guess is where I differ in the approach. I do not have any
ideas about what my son will be.

I want Kenneth to be happy. I want him to accept himself. I want him
to have chances. I want him to find the doors and passageways. And I
also want him to experience getting lost in the various doors and
passageways. In short I want him to experience life. I know that
every so often he will fail or he will get lost. But I have trained
him, and will continue to train him, to stand up after each failure.

I aim to be more of a father to him now than I ever did before. I
also want to continue to be his friend. I understand that he has
apprehensions about talking to me. He still does not understand that
I am just waiting for him to start talking and I will listen. I want
to continue to be his friend. A friend in the same manner that I have
been a friend to my friends.

Girls? One of these days he will find out what girls are. I just
hope he finds someone he likes and who will like him in return. If
I'm lucky, my wife might even approve of the girl. Woe unto the girl
if my wife does not like her for Kenneth.

I can see that the next five to ten years will be exciting for him. I
wish him all the luck in the world. He will need it.

As for me, the next few years will be see wild swings between wanting
to control, intervene and letting go of my son. This will be exciting
for me as well. Although I know I don't need to really worry. Let
the mother worry over the son, is what I say.

I do have a daughter who is 12 years old. And the next few years
watching her grow up is what worries me.


--andoy

Movement and Promotion

I have a job. That said, sometimes I wonder if I need to add anything to that statement.

How about this: I have a job, and I like it, but I don't like my boss. Sounds like a logic statement, which in most cases is true.

The good news is that recently I got "regularized." To understand this concept, for a while now, the Call Center industry in the Philippines is manned by "contractual" employees. Meaning they have a fixed-term contract. The contract itself does not mean that you have to stay. But that you have to stay and accept a certain fixed salary, plus, plus. Now that the growth curve is getting steep, there is a push to rationalized the industry and professionalize the people manning the phones/seats. Hence the concept of regularization. The employees which these companies want to keep (after pursuing HR metrics) are now being asked to sign-up and become regular employees with additional pay and benefits. Simply put, I got several more pesos in the bank every payday.

The better news is that my bosses (I think at least 4 levels of them in various lateral and vertical capacity) think that they don't want to let go of me. There are only 10 of us in the account: the Japanese-speaking TL (translator?) who was once wrongfully tagged as an Indonesian by a caller; the UK line composed of the French-speaking agent (and full-time State University student), the German-speaking agent (who is also a part-time University and Business School Economics professor), and the Spanish-speaking ex-Seminarian; the Korean agent who handles the Asia line; and the US line manned by 4 guys (one of which was called a Pakistani by a caller, which is me) and a girl. The German-speaking agent was given the task of doing the Team's QA. And I was given the task of training new agents. Additional task was that of doing the QA of the German-speaking agent/QA. In addition, I supported the two other guys on the US line to apply for a higher position of Trainor for the other account, which job I think they have the technical knowledge to handle. With that in mind, the bosses decided to find a way to increase my salary. So now my salary is now at par with other (local) Trainors in the facility.

Of course, there was the other reason: that I might jump-ship and move to the other account where the opportunities of advancement are more clearly defined.

The great news is that the bosses already have an idea that I want to move up some day, becoming a Team Leader myself, but not for the current Team. And I have admitted that. I also freely admitted that I want to continue working for the company. Mainly because of the short commute to my residence. Besides that, I have also admitted that I have set my sights not just on the Team Leader position but on the next higher position of Shift Manager. These opportunities of advancement I defined to my boss. I did give the hint that first dibs would be with the company. If I cannot get to advance, then there are other companies within a short walk away. This is not an idle threat but an everyday reality in the business.

So now, I have a job. I have just been promoted. I have been given an increase. And I have defined my advancement plans. Great. And my bosses have given word that they will support me -- in essence to move out of their account.

--andoy

16.6MEGAPIXEL Camera from Canon

Some while back there was a rumor that Kodak would release a 13-megapixel camera. Too late, because Canon just ran a press release that they'd be releasing a 16.6 megapixel camera, the Canon EOS-1Ds Mark II. And it will be out in November.

What does 16.6 megapixel mean?

Imagine printing a JPEG file to photo-quality standards. A 2-megapixel picture camera will produce a 1600x1200 picture. Ideally, this will print half a page of a letter-size paper (about 5 and 1/2 inches by 4). Any larger than that and you'd see the pixellation. If this was film-based printing, the term is "grainy." A 16-megapixel picture will produce a 4700x3500 picture. You can print pictures as large as 16x12 inches, with the same quality as before. All things being equal.

However, this is not a toy. Like most cameras of its class, the Canon EOS-1Ds Mark II supports the full range of EOS lenses with its interchangeable lens mount. And there are a lot more third-party lenses out there with their own lens-mount mount adaptors.

I guess the next hurdle is the 20-megapixel camera.

Who knows maybe in another 5 years, every other digital still camera will be 16-megapixel rated?

--andoy

Paris Hilton!

Okay, this is weird. But I can only see a resemblance of Paris Hilton to Morgan Fairchild. Although both are very sexy and are very alluring, the differences between them are more than just cosmetic or skin deep. And truth is, Ms. Fairchild has a lot more body and skin than Ms. Hilton.

Not to be outrageously critical or anything, but Morgan Fairchild does have real expressions on her face. She may not have reached any real status as a star like Michelle Pfeiffer or Sharon Stone, but she does have a softer charm. Tough but soft. More like Queen Elizabeth I, type tough. But with sublety or finesse, maybe even more subtle than what women of the 80's were supposed to show. Very much unlike Madonna or Kylie Minogue for instance.

In contrast, Paris Hilton looks like a Ben Stiller movie, "Zoolander," where every expression is the same. What do I see? An invitation along the lines of "walk into my parlor (said the spider to the fly)." A billboard or personal ad: "I am the center of the universe!" or "I am rich beautiful and sexy. And everyone is taking pictures of me . . . And you are not and never will be me." There is also the outright confession: "I am a rich spoiled brat and I will never grow old, never become poor, and will always be beautiful."

Karma (and the laws of physics) are not in her favor, is all I can say.

--andoy

Vertigo

Lately, I have been having spells (attacks?) of vertigo. I first had
these spells middle of last year. I don't think I was disconcerted,
FRIGHTENED would have been closer to what I felt. It happened
suddenly, without any warning and then the spells ended, again without
any warning.

Since last week I have been having these spells (attacks?) again. But
not in the same manner as before. What happens now is that when I lie
down to bed, nothing happens, but when I turn, it feels as if the rest
of the world did not stop turning. Sleepy and going to bed, a simple
thing like turning from one side to the other and the world keeps on
turning after you've stopped! Nauseating! It takes me twice as long
to get to sleep!

Whereas before, I had vertigo spells after standing up or sitting
down, now, that does not happen. It just happens when I'm sleepy and
lying down -- and moving from side to side.

right now, I just hope it does not get worse, and just go away like before.

--andoy

Pictures with Hello

Tried out Hello with Picasa.  Turns out okay, quick, easy and painless. 

Great!

--andoy

Darwi and Kenneth swinging wildly on the hammock. 

Tree house in Bolinao (Long Beach Resort) already renovated. 

Christmas 2003... all in red. 

Scanning Time Again

My brother and I have been reworking the computers at our house.  This includes reconditioning and setup of one machine so my sister Adora can have it and use it at her house.  So far, my brother bought a DVD-drive, internal modem and a monitor, both setup with the computer which we'd be using at home.  The DVD-drive replaced the CD-R/W drive, the internal modem replaced the external (serial port) modem, and the 17-inch monitor replaced the 14-inch monitor.  I re-configured the PC, and now have the printer running again.  On the other PC, the only thing remaining are the software installation.  And, now I only have to download the drivers and setup the scanner.

Several years back, I started a project to save to soft-copy the pictures that I've taken since 1988.  That was the year I got married.  Until now, I still have most of the negatives for these pictures, and maybe one of these days, I'd get a (film) scanner and do those as well -- which would sound redundant to say the least.  In as much as there were several CD's which had their media film flaking off (or flaked off), I think I really need to redo the project again.

Nice thing about that project, scanning pictures thought me a lot about the technical aspects of digital photography, photo formats and archiving.  In addition, the rework will allow me to do the following:

1.  Scan the pictures at the highest optical resolution, and save as TIFF.  If needed, then these can be converted to JPEG (and play around with the levels, picture size, and cropping before saving).
2.  Organize in terms of folders.  In order to make any sense of the archiving, there should be logical a way to know how these are organized, so that finding individual pictures or groups of pictures would be relatively easy.
3.  Use durable media when saving to disk.  That means, using CD-R/W disks to do the job of CD-R disks.  Ideally, I would have chosen magneto-optical disks or DVD disks.

But first I've got to get the scanner going.

Then, maybe in the near future, get myself a digital camera, from Canon.  Or maybe a film scanner, or a good quality film-capable scanner.

--andoy

More Birthdays

Something to think about for Grandparents' Day. We had a small celebration at home. Nothing out of the ordinary. Almost everyone was there. But one of those invited was not able to come. Her name is Angel, and she's the daughter of my youngest brother. She stays with her mom, who lives in Antipolo, some 17 kilometers in that direction. I didn't want to think about it; not thinking about it made me so pissed off, I was lucky I wasn't thinking about it.

Anyway, moving forward somewhat...

It was my mom's birthday last Thursday, September 16. It was a quiet celebration. And it was my grandmother's birthday yesterday, Friday, September 17. Now that was a quiet celebration. She died several years back. Again, I did not want to think about that as I have accepted the fact that I have to move on. But I know I left a piece of myself a while back.

Another celebration for the birthdays will be tomorrow, Sunday. This would be quiet but fun.


--andoy

The Ideologist in an Organization

There is no place for an Ideologist in a modern corporate organization.  In today's corporations, the rapid change of business dealings leaves the ideologist in a void.  Tasked to fly the flag and inspire purity of thought, the changes to the corporate workplace and arena make a concept-anchored stalwart bound to his concepts and left behind.

However, the Ideologist is important to a startup corporation, or to a small team.

Holding aloft the banner of concepts of which the organization is founded on, he is needed to keep the faith.  During the first three years of an organization when it is floundering and the corporate heads might be wavering in their belief that it will work out, the ideologist is there to keep everyone focused on the future and the task at hand.  This man is tasked to remind one and all that the future is near and reachable, if you stay true to the founding concepts.

"We created this corporation because there is a need and we can supply that need."

In a team, the ideologist is there to keep the team members focused on corporate ideals, values, mission, vision, and what-not.  Not necessarily a taskmaster, but there nonetheless to rally the team to the corporate goal.  The man has the unenviable task of urging and cajoling conformity to an corporate slogans, and unite the team as well.

"This is the corporate way.  This keeps us focused on the mission and vision."

In most instances, the Ideologist, is the leader.  However, this task is best given to another person with corporate zeal.  And a team player.

And what happens if the leader is pointing in one direction and the team is paddling in another?  That would be great!

--andoy

Poems, and other sundries

I've not written any poems for the past 17 or 18 years. It's not that I was any good. But I had the discipline then to write. Maybe I'll write again soon.

- = 0 = O = 0 = -

My friend Schel is getting married soon. As far as I can see, she might get married sooner than another friend, Sawfin. Who knows. With regards wedding days, I'll mark it on my calendar a week before the even, and not before.

Not that I believe in marriage or weddings, but that I don't want to be more excited than the bride( or more frightened than the groom.)

- = 0 = O = 0 = -

I think that next year should be a good year to get married. For that matter, this year and last were also good years to get married or to have gotten married. Thinking about it, any year should be a good year to get married.

Getting married has nothing to do with the economy. In fact, it is a protest against an economic downturn, because it means that the couple believes in the future. A future together.

For better or for worse...

- = 0 = O = 0 = -

Since my mom had her own cell phone, she started collecting cellphone jokes. That in itself is a very funny. She writes down the jokes into her notebook.

The really funny part is that every so often she lets loose from some new joke she had written down. During breakfast. Just when she has just risen in the morning and I've just come in from the graveyard shift. Now that is mean!

The good news is that she now knows how to deliver a joke. Whereas before she'd be laughing about two lines before the puchline, now she delivers the jokes with a straight face. An improvement, if ever there was one.

--andoy

The Iconoclast in the Organization

In a fashion sense, the iconoclast is popular because fashion is about change.  Fashion is not about conformity.  It is the masses who will conform, but the iconoclast is so far advanced that he has broken the mold and will not follow the crowd that has followed his example.  He will not lead, but march to the sound of his own drums.

Imagine that, breaking the mold.  Creating a new one.  And after everyone has followed what he has started, breaks it up because everyone else is following it.

The above may not be the correct definition, as an iconoclast by definition is someone who breaks tradition, maybe because it is tradition.  But what happens when tradition has been broken, and what was set in place of it has then become tradition on its own?  Following Mao's definition of Communism, the iconoclast will break the new tradition and create a new one.  That is his job.  Create something new, and breaking entrenched tradition.  Weird, weird and weird, and doesn't make sense.

In today's world, the iconoclast rules.  He is venerated for his being brave enough to break rules.  Does he profit from it?  If not, someone else will profit from the change.  But he will be moving forward.  And again, someone else will profit from the next turn.  It will not end.

--andoy

The Anarchist in an Organization

I miss the old days when a discussion was part of a day's work.  When you sat with your colleagues and talked problems, (project) status, ideas, concepts and the basic "which came first, the chicken or the egg" question.  The avowed openness of the proceeding seethed with agendas being forced hidden because they are too obvious when voiced out.  There was democracy and the implicit push for disagreement for the sake of disagreement.  Anarchy for the anarchy's sake.  In such an environment, ideas are floated to be shot down.  Opinions are voiced just because.

Maybe I am an anarchist in an organizational setup; not being entirely comfortable if everyone is agreeing for the sake of agreeing.  In such cases, I need to give a contrary view or opinion. 

"I will agree, but let me inform you of the alternative of this action."

There is no need to always be agreeing.  In fact, there is no real need to agree to anything.  As long as the discussion is still open, I will voice out a contrary opinion, if no one else is voicing one.  I want to have the guy beside me giving a different approach, opinion, comment or suggestion.  I want to see the holes in the ideas presented.  Sentient beings talking about a plan of action need to see the deficiencies in the plan, before agreeing to implement it.

And after the discussion is closed, an agreement is given.  And the final plan is a group plan.  After the meeting, in front of everyone else, the group plan is unanimously and unconditionally followed.  No matter what was said to the contrary during the planning.

--andoy

of blogging (finally got to that one)

After reading some other blogs, I came to the conclusion that bloggers are required to be slightly crazy. And I admit I am over-qualified.

There are a lot of bloggers out there. And they range from political ranters (me included) to teen-age kids who don't have think they want to be thirty someday. In between are a lot of introverts who need people to talk to (maybe because they talk to themselves too much) and extroverts who need an outlet for their hobbies, music, activities and what not (of which I have no idea where they get the time to do those things and still write or blog about it).

In the USA there are a lot of blog entries about the upcoming elections 9/11 and partying during this past Labor Day. Across the globe, teens and young adults (early twenties) are practically discussing the same things, partying, or socializing in schools. Professionals give comments on common everyday events from their own professional background or viewpoint (say politics from a psychiatrists viewpoint.)

Whereas before a lot of these things would have been written down on diaries, nowadays these have been edited to be readable on blogs. There are some blogs which detail intimate encounters or even sex lives, editing not for reportorial purposes, but to tickle the reader, and maybe exaggerate a little (or a lot).

In a way, this is a liberating venue. Maybe not as much creative possibilities as a "full" web-site which would be interactive with the reader in every way. But definitely it gives an opening for writing anything or almost anything. Within the limits of the blogger host.

I guess I'd be looking at other blogs with a more open mind, particularly those rants which really shout at you from the opposite end of the (political, social, international, sexual) spectrum.

--andoy

I remember September 11

I can't help but remember September 11 when the "New World Order" got shattered. It was a slow evening, and I just got home and eaten supper. The kids were already in bed. And I was surfing the channels, trying to find something to watch. As I was changing channels, there was a shot of the New York's World Trade Center's Twin Towers -- with one of them on fire. I was mesmerized. I checked out the other channels, and there it was, same scene, different angle. This was going on live. It was really happening. And half a world and 12 time zones away I was watching it.

When it was explained that an airplane crashed into the tower, only then did I realize that this was not an ordinary fire.

I phone my father and asked him to change the channel and watch the disaster unfolding. And then I remembered people I knew who were supposed to have offices in that building.

One of the people who I knew was working in New York was Rachelle. I sent a text message to a close friend and asked about her. There was an exchange of text messages about what we were seeing on TV. It was distressing to know that she worked at the World Trade Center. I prayed for her safety, that she not be in any danger.

My father also had another friend who was working in that complex. I sent several text messages to my friends who were in communication with this couple. It turns out that his company was not anymore located at the WTC. There were a lot of text messages exchanged before that was verified.

In one sense it was a personal attack. Almost everyone I know knows someone within the vicinity of the attack.

The tragedy was not isolated. It was a global tragedy. It was a global attack. That it happened at all meant that whoever did it had such hatred that it had to be expressed with the suicide of several men, for the death of a lot more innocent people, and the destruction of a symbol of wealth and power, in the most popular city in the world. Though outwardly the war on terrorism may have started with this loss, I doubt if we will ever see the end of this. Until the hatred has been sated, the attacks will continue ad nauseum. We can only be vigilant and prepared for more such losses.

--andoy

The Dark Side

I admit I am not a "good guy."  I also have a Dark Side.  Maybe not as dark as others, but definitely dark.  And it frightens me.  Truly, it does!  Very frightening thought that of realizing that it is there and that every day it takes a conscious effort just to keep it bottled up.  I guess in most things, to be good and to keep on doing good, you have to bottle up the dark side.

Some people describe the difference between good and evil as a very thin line.  I have decided early on that wherever that line may be, I am not going near it.  The temptation to cross the line is over-powering.  It is a siren call to the rocks on a stormy sea.  I would rather meet the stormy seas than be tempted into the rocks.

Other people describe the difference between good and evil as shades of gray.  I have decided that I'd rather be in a well-lighted place.  Maybe in some instances, it does turn gray -- a very dark gray.  But I try not to consciously move to a darker area.  There have been times when I ran away from there.  I guess that in some cases, the circumstances just turn dark very fast.

I am a latent addict.  I know that if a real addiction comes on, I might not be able to escape.  That's the reason I don't smoke -- I never started.  Nowadays, I don't drink alcohol (okay, maybe a bottle every now and then, or every two months if there is an occasion.)  I have seen firsthand what alcoholism can do.  Good thing I hate the hangover more than I like the drinking.  I would rather have the drinking companions without me drinking.  Doesn't make sense, that everyone is getting inebriated and I'm not matching my drinking companions bottle for bottle.  I don't even sleep drunk.  I try to wear off the alcohol before getting to bed.

Drugs?  Just the occasional analgesic for the headache or migraine.

But why do I say that I have a very dark side?

Several months ago, during the election some stupid guy or group of stupid guys scattered sharp tacks/nails on EDSA and there were several vehicles stranded because of flat tires.  There was an unusually heavy traffic jam that night.  I say it was stupid, because what they did was child's play.  Absolutely juvenile.  Only teenagers with nothing to do in their neighborhood would do some damn fool thing like that.  Imagine, scattering these objects at only one spot?  Stupid.  I thought of the same plan years before, before the EDSA MRT.  To stop the traffic you have to do it in at least 5 strategic places, at about the same time of the afternoon, preferably raining, and then you time this with some trucks delivering...  A real terrorist plot. 

Maybe in that sense, Filipinos are not meant to be terrorists, because Filipinos are afraid of hurting people.

My main limitation in terms of my fight with myself is that I take the passive road.  When Napoleon was asked what he would do in a given situation where there was no way of escape or winning, he answered that would not happen because he would not even get into the situation in the first place.  In the Star Trek simulation of the Kobayashi Maru, Sulu was supposed to have taken the stand NOT to follow the distress signal.  In the Academy simulation, he did not try to help the Kobayashi Maru.  That is the same stand I follow.  I will not allow myself to get into such a situation where I am forced to decide.  My stand is not to start smoking.  Not to start taking drugs.  Not to start down the road of alcoholic solace.  Bribes as a government official, sorry that will not happen to me, because I will not sit as a government official.  I never did take the Civil Service exam because I never wanted to go into government.  I did not want to have the chance to be in such a position where I have no choice about corruption.

The dark side is about committing.  I have taken a look at the committing part and I cannot help but wonder, what about getting away with it?  Some people will do it because they get perverse pleasure in doing wrong.  It is a drug.  It is power.  Sorry, unless but if I can't get away with it, I'm not even going to be anywhere near it when it happens.  If you can't pay for the crime, if you cannot do the time, do not do the crime.  Not worth it.  I stay away.  Way, way away!

And if I could get away from it?  I still doubt if I could.  I would most probably walk away from the temptation.  Nice to look and study maybe as a logic problem.  But sorry, I may know how it can be done, but it was not me.  I wasn't there.

Moriarty and Holmes are one and the same.  They are just two sides of the same coin.  Unfortunately, as much as I don't want to be Moriarty, I cannot be Holmes either.  I would rather prevent than apprehend after.

Am I amoral then?  Considering that the opposite of being moral is not being immoral, but being amoral.  I guess my being a sort of fence sitter makes me amoral.  But I guess what differentiates me from amoral people is that I know what morality is and what it entails.  Really amoral people do not.  If we are to take a look at history, we see clear examples. 

Joseph Estrada has been called amoral.  He did not care about the morality of his deeds.  He had already been accepted by the masses as a man with multiple wives and a drunk.  Hitler some people say was very strait-laced moral.  Although his sense of logic was very flawed.  Some of his people were immoral, like Goering.  Having the time of their lives while they were in power and enjoying the pogrom, too.  The generals for the most part were amoral.  They did not think of the morality of their deeds.  It was a war, they were soldiers.

As I grow older, I am asking more things of myself.  Whereas before, I can say that I am a relativist of sorts.  I now see that I cannot afford to be that way.  I cannot still judge or condemn the actions of others.  However, I am becoming more critical of my own actions, judging more sternly than before.  Maybe one of these days I will win against the Dark Side which matters, that of my own.

~~andoy

SM Cinemas and R-18

There is a current debate going on about what can be shown by a cinema chain.

It started when a large chain of malls gave a statement that they will only show quality movies or family oriented movies, meaning no Filipino movie with an R-18 rating. In good faith, the management stated that they would like to create and maintain a family-oriented atmosphere within their malls. With a total of more than 100 theaters in Metro Manila alone, the SM mall chain effectively cut off the knees the trend of Pinoy "bold" or sexy movies. This development prompted some female sexy stars, their handlers/managers/publicists and their producers to protest that this will do harm to the industry -- and, by the way, also harm their incomes.

The censors board, also called the MTRCB, has stepped in and asked the SM Theater management to reconsider their policy. Now all kinds of statement are being said, including "human rights violations," "freedom of expression," "repression," etc. There was even an accusation that the mall chain was trying to dictate to the film industry and to the government what movies should be made in the country.

What these people conveniently forgot is that SM is a private convern. It is a business which has made a corporate decision. Whether that decision will make money in the long run is none of our concern. As consumers, it is our right to request, but if the vendor does not want to sell, or even stock, what we want, if the vendor does not have what we want, then we can only go to the next vendor and check out if they have what we want. It may be financial suicide. It may work out in the long run. I say, good luck to SM, for making a stand.

What this means for a lot of persons, even they do not have an idea. The movie industry and government is looking at it, again from a very short-term viewpoint. The short-term is that the current trend might be curtailed somewhat. But I believe that if they continue making these movies, because there is a perceived demand, then people will still watch them. And for the theater owners which have long complained that nobody goes to watch in their cinemas, this will, hopefully, make more money for them.

For the industry, it is time for them to rethink their current fare. Is it worth the money to make this film genre? Is the old paradigm, of making a quicky sex movie for the big screen and recouping investments within the month, still a viable formula?

The Philippine government (with a hell of a lot of movie personalities) should now take steps to segregate movie making to protect the industry, the theater owners and the viewing public. There was a suggestion before to make a "red-light" district sort of segregation, where R-18 or even X-rated movies can only be shown in "special" theaters or screenings.

For the viewing public, as long as movies are made, they have the power to choose which ones to watch. With the SM move, there is a perception that this has been taken away from them. Which is false. Instead, it has given the viewing public more power in choosing which movie to watch, and where.

As the ancient chinese curse goes, "may you live in interesting times."

--andoy

One Year Older

I feel older.  Much, much older and slower than I've felt in years.  This year's birthday may not be worse than some of the others, but it's not the best either. 

It is not much of a bummer growing old or older.  What's bothersome is that it seems I do not have time on my hands.  It slips fast.  Very fast.  Due to my work hours, the weekends are not there!  Literally, I get home, sleep and the weekend or days off is gone.

I may not have any wealth or riches, but I think that I am looking at more and better opportunities for growth than I've seen in years!  That was the positive side of where I am right now.  Hopefully, this new career will move forward as planned.  Allowing me to pursue plans and dreams as never before.  Well, if you're at the bottom, you can only look up.

I have a lovely wife who I love very much.  We've been married these past 16 years and it was just a breeze.  There were a lot of tough times.  But she's there always beside me, maybe not knowing what my plans were, but trusting me just the same.  Or so I think she did.

I have two kids, Kenneth and Darwi.  They're adorable and just approaching their teens.  Kenneth will be 14 this October.  And Darwi is 12.  Admittedly, if you're a parent these are frightening years.  Just the thought terrifies me, actually.  I have to watch them from a distance.  I have to coach them closely, correcting things and teaching object lessons.  The basics are there, now the need is to do some trimming.  And maybe I can leave them be when they reach voting age.  I am just preparing myself now for letting go and allowing them to make their own mistakes, making sure that they will learn that they made mistakes and that they learn from these mistakes.  As a parent, that is all I can do.

I am looking forward to the rest of this calendar year.  I am also looking very positively forward to the rest of my years.  I hope to live a long life, maybe to my 70's.  I look forward to enjoying myself.  This will be a great adventure, I just need to get in better shape.

I need to laugh more often.  I need to be with old friends.  If not sitting across from them, then at least keeping in touch more often.  Maybe more letters, emails or cards.

More pictures I hope to take and archive.

I will write more and more and more.

And the Dark Side of me?  I will push more, cajole, goad and be a general pain in the butt for some people.  Or maybe just one.  One at a time.  And enjoy myself too.  If you know who you are, too bad.  And if you are not the one I am referring to, you don't need to tell him.  He already knows. hahaha.  What fun I will have!

--andoy

Flooding, photographs and negatives

We had inclement weather this week. Two days ago, I got home from work on the night shift to find floodwater inside our house. After the rains had stopped enough for the floodwater to go subside, we started to "drain" (no, really, I truly believe THAT is the best word to describe it) our house.

And I thought that was that.

Today, I got home and my wife reminded me that the flood waters might have reached the lowest cabinet of our book shelf, where we kept our photo albums and negatives. And sure enough, the flooding did reach the photos. One album actually, the very bottom of the stack. Good thing these were stacked. The photos are now drying out.

Of greater interest though are the negatives. That is more than 15 years worth of negatives. And about a third of them got wet in varying degrees. These are also in the process of being dried and aired out.

Unlike watching paint dry which is a boring exercise, watching the pictures dry allows me to look at them again, in a very different light. Some of them are humorous, and I can't help but smile at the memory of these photos. To see your kids standing beside or lounging infront of the television set is totally different from seeing their pictures as you were carrying them as babies.

The negatives, on the other hand are altogether different. It is painful on a different plane of understanding to know that some of these negatives might be damaged, even as you are waiting for them to dry. These negatives were supposed to be the "backup" copies. A case of the original material serving as backup to the print copies.

Oh well, that is life.

--andoy
"live moves..."

On weddings and marriages

My friend Geoffrey got married to Myan last Friday.  As I mentioned before there were several surprises for me almost from the time the wedding ceremony started up to the reception.  This was their second wedding.  The first being a civil ceremony several months back.

On our table, discussion turned a bend towards marriage.  Among our group of five from the office, there were only two of us who are married.  And the other one has already filed for divorce and is working on finalizing said divorce within the year.  The casual chat was on the topic of the wedding.  What happened during her wedding and so on.  Seems to me that she enjoyed her wedding and to a certain extent still enjoyed the company (and friendship) of her husband.  There was no trace of acrimony toward the husband.  Just as matter of factly, he was not discussed.

At some point I gave the advice that if ever she got married again (which I think is the point of the divorce) she should follow this simple advice:  it is always the man's fault, and he should admit that fact early on.  Not just admit, mind, but to stand by that logic.  It is always the man's fault when something goes wrong.  As a married man, I have lived by that rule, and stood by it come hell or high water.  The advantage of such a stand?  My wife has never nagged me.  And why would she?  When we both know it's my fault anyway.

The second advice, equally important, is that the wife must understand the husband.  Complete understanding, no more and no less.  I am blessed that my wife, Lilia, understands me and has gone out of her way to prove it.

I did not however, give the last and most important advice:  get mad one at a time.  No use losing your head both at the same time.  This piece of advice, I must admit, has been broken in my household a few times.  In sixteen years of marriage, we've not followed this advice about four or five times.

Related to the above, we have also had disagreements, but always I during any such disagreements, I held her hand or her shoulder.

Sixteen years of marriage, through thick and thin.  Fun isn't it.

--andoy

Something to be said about older women

I married an older woman.  The marriage started sixteen years ago.  And we are still married together, living together and raising our two kids.  There is something to be said about older women.

Older women in this sense is a personal viewpoint.  When I was growing up, the girls were pretty.  But the women were beautiful.  Up until college, there were a lot of pretty girls my age.  I can relate to them, but I knew them personally, and some of them were just too "flighty" for me.  Maybe I just could not relate to them.  Maybe they were looking for a Mr. Right which did not in any way look like me or any image of myself I can imagine.  Or maybe I just wasn't looking for a girl.  I was trying to find a woman.

Well I did find her.  Married her, and still with her.  And for the life of me, most of the time, I could not understand girls or younger women.  Younger than me, that is.

Some women think that they would like to experience having a younger man.  They think they would like to, but they just could not push themselves to do so.  I couldn't understand the reticence.  There is the thought that they would enjoy themselves and the man might not.  That sounds like a joke.  There are men out there who enjoy the company of women, older or younger doesn't really matter, I guess.

--andoy

Denim Bags

My daughter DArwi had a school project last year. It was to sew a bag out of plastic tetra-packs. It was okay and run of the mill. Teaches kids the value of recycling.

This year, after the teacher noticed that the kids never used their tetra-pack bags, she decided that the school project would be a denim bag, made from an old (discarded) pair of denim jeans. (Funny, but isn't that the type of pair of denim jeans you wouldn't want to throw away?)

She created the denim bag on her own. Cheating somewhat in the design and implementation portion of the project as she just cut off the legs, sewed them shut, and then added a zipper at the waist. It was almost finished when she showed it to me, lacking only the zipper and a handle. And then I showed her several denim bags I created and used several years ago, including one which was a full-sized knap-sack. That was cool. It even had a drawstring top and cover instead of a zipper.

I just hope she enjoys using the bag she made as much as I enjoyed using the bags I made. Twenty-year old bags and still being used. Ha!

--andoy

Old Friends at weddings

I went to a friend's wedding last Friday and I got a nice surprise. Several, in fact. Though the heavy vehicular traffic was quite uncommon I still was able to arrive in time for the bride's march down the aisle. Maybe the traffic was not uncommon really, as I have not been out on a Friday afternoon for I don't know how long.

That I got in time was mainly because I thought the wedding would start at 3:00pm. I got to the church at 4:00pm. The church was fairly empty as it was mostly close friends and relatives, and some officemates of the bride and groom.

A real surprise happened when one of the bride's officemates -- her boss actually -- approached me and introduced herself as Pam, a dorm mate from UPLB. After almost 20 years, she still recognized me, if only because I haven't added too much poundage. I on the other hand had to scramble to remember who she was. She introduced herself, we had a small chat just to touch base and she had to return to her seat.

After quite a while trying to remember faces and names from the Men's Dorm residents, I was able to put name to face. She was a gangling girl back then, somewhat gawky and tall compared with the general female population of the Los Banos. But what I remembered was that she was enrolled in a block which was handled by a close friend of mine, Monina Tayag. Pam also mentioned that she took up engineering during college, and that would make her an org-mate of my former roommate Dan, as well as a slew of other close friends.

During the wedding there were several photographers who did not look like the regular wedding photographers. Turned out that the guys who took the wedding pictures were upper echelon professional photographers. Two of them were carrying high-end Canon EOS cameras. I was not able to get the camera make of the other photographer. Only later during the latter part of the reception did I notice that these both had preview LCDs at the back of the camera! They were digital EOS cameras. Great! The other camera? It was a film-based camera, of that I was sure as the photographer had to reload film during the wedding.

I had to go to work after the wedding, and went straight to the office. I took a short nap at the desk as I was afraid that if I went to the sleeping quarters, I won't be able to wake up on time for my shift.

That was a fun day. Practically took less than 2 hours of sleep from 10:30 Thursday evening until 11:00 Saturday morning. Woke up around 10:00pm Saturday and prepared to go to work. Great! That Saturday did go fast!

--andoy

Orchid Pictures

I took some pictures of orchids last week. These particular orchids are from our garden.

orchids 


A little backgrounder is needed to explain these flowers. We rent a house, and since we moved in, there have been no major change to the garden. With minor changes, we have continued to do the gardening with the plants which were planted by the owners. Including the orchids. Not too many of them, but since these were grafted into the trees, there's not much use of transporting them when they left. These particular plants must have been several years old even before we moved here.

and more orchids 


No real reason to take photos of these flowers, as they last more than a week. We don't pick them but just let them be on the vine, until the flowers wilt. Though they do make good models for pictures and makes the pictures look good without any effort on the part of the photographer.

--andoy
2004.August.11

heart attack... part 2

While receiving calls last night, the inevitable happened, a caller asked for a Spanish Agent. Of course, I had to answer that he can call back during weekdays, from 9:00 am to 3pm (U.S.) Pacific Time. I didn't need to tell the caller that the agent (Rino) is in the I.C.U. of the Heart Center and that he would most probably be there for the better part of the week.

In the meantime, what's on everyone's mind is if Cielo can receive Spanish calls. And that includes Cielo. Not to detract from her abilities, but in my opinion, I'd rather that we wait for Rino. Several reasons, including the added pressure of inadequate preparation in Spanish for Cielo. Sure, she can handle a Spanish call, given time and adequate preparation. In fact, it would be good for her. However, the pressure of giving a solution in passable technical spanish is something else altogether. What comes to mind is a vision of someone who knows Nihonggo, but not Technical Nihonggo. Not everyone who knows plain everyday English, can communicate in Technical English, for that matter. Those are two different languages. Even Rino admitted that technical terms for Madrid/Iberian Spanish is different from those for Latin American/Mexican Spanish.

That's my opinion on the matter. Anyway, if push comes to shove, we'll see what happens. We can always do a "test to destruction." But will it be fair to the one being tested? I think not.

--andoy

of heart attacks

Of Heart Attacks.

A friend of mine, Rino, just had a heart attack. It was not out of the blue. There were warning signs, just that these did not seem like real warnings. While on work several days ago, his blood pressure shot up to 180/100. He had to stop his work, while he was resting and for the blood preseeure to normalize. The next day he went to have a check up and was given an ECG exam. According to the results he was okay and off he went to work. After work, he went home, slept and 3 hours after that had a heart attack. According to him, he was brought to the nearest hospital, was given medication and then was transferred to another hospital. He thought it was just 30 minutes from the time he arrived at the Emergency Room to the time he was transferred, turns out he stayed in the first hospital more than 3 hours. Less than a day later, he was transferred to Heart Center. In all that time he was in the Intensive Care Unit of those three hospitals.

I visited him this morning after work, and he mentioned that after a day of staying in hospitals, he was bored. He joked that to keep from being bored he was playing around with what was in the room. He was playing with the heart rate monitor, trying to see if he can keep it low (his
record was 54 bpm).

He's going to have further tests come Monday, at which time his condition would have stabilized. And maybe an angioplasty to decongest whatever blockage they find.

Yesterday, when my friend Bravo informed me that Rino was rushed to the hospital, he sounded distraught as he was giving me whatever minimal information he knew. Turns out that was an understatement. Seems he was crying over the news that Rino had a heart attack.

People respond differently to stress. And I gave a hint that Rino might be in the wrong job (for health reasons.) He retorted that at least in our account, there was less stress compared to his old account. I joked that another account might need trainors, and he said that he'd rather stay with our account.

--andoy

"Roses Are Black"

[Note: Almost twenty years ago I wrote a poem I called "Roses Are Black." Every so often, I remember those times and remember the poem. It doesn't mean anything, really, but it gives the feeling of those times.]




Roses Are Black

I.

Roses are black
as the enigma fades

a shrill caterwaul
empty shadow of echoes
and the cot does not answer

The air drops down
in its own weight

Roses are black
blood drying
remnants of rain

II.

Roses are black
tears
scarlet

The howling madness
has receded to gloom

Rent clothes

Tattered self
remain

Roses are black
Passage fair is silence

III.

Roses are black
candles are suns

a smile
a squeeze

These are everything

Nature sings
a heart's song

Roses are black
glowing nights
are solemn pacts

IV.

Roses are black
footsteps have a name

Somebody
someone

Skyful of prayers
a pond of grief
for somebody

Roses are black
a note is a melody
for more than somebody

V.

Roses are black
gazes are eyes

Waves break
clouds fly
and firetrees bloom in May

Sleeps are cold
dreamless

Roses are black
There is nothing there
and no one here

--andoy/July 3, 1985